Today's jokes [7.12.08]

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Two men are discussing their lives. One says, "I'm getting married.
I'm tired of a messy apartment, dirty dishes, and no clothes to
wear."

The other one says, "I'm getting divorced for the same reasons."

Taylor was desperate for business, and was happy to be appointed by the 
court to defend an indigent defendant. The judge ordered Taylor,
"You are to confer with the defendant in the hallway, and give him the 
best legal advice you can."

After a time, Taylor re-entered the courtroom alone. When the judge asked 
where the defendant had gone, Taylor replied, "You asked me to give him 
good advice. I found out that he was guilty as hell, so I told him to 
split."

    A farmer goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster
   for his chicken coop. The young rooster walks over to the old rooster
   and says "Ok, old fellow, time to retire."
   The old rooster says "You can't handle all these chickens....look at
   what it did to me!"
   The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this.
   Time for the old to step aside and the young to take over, so take a
   hike."
   The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon.....just let me have the two old hens
   over in the corner. I won't bother you."
   The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking
   over!"
   So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young
   rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you
   around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken
   coop."
   The young rooster says, "You know I'm going to beat you, old man, just
   to be fair, I'm even going to give you a head start."
   They line up in back of the farm house, get a chicken to cluck "Go!"
   and the old rooster takes off running.
   About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him.
   They round the front of the farm house and the young rooster is only
   about 5 inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast.
   The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on,
   grabs his shotgun and BOOM! he blows the young rooster to bits.
   He sadly shakes his head and says "Dammit, third gay rooster I bought
   this week!"

What did one of the blonde's legs say to the other one? 

Between you and me we could make a lot of money!

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman 
couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the 
room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at 
her. 

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a 
. . . well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me 
you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind 
of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, 
decent man -- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A 
certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "

The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the 
door . . ."

"Yes yes!"

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

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