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Today's jokes [7.11.08]

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No no, the question is: How many USENET posters does it take to change
a lightbulb?

A1. Define "change"

A2. How do you know the lightbulb is out?

A3. Don't use the word "posters" to describe us, it's offensive to
large sheets of papers with pictures on them which hang on walls.

A4. That question is not appropriate for this group, please take it

A5. I think it's perfectly appropriate, this is

A6. Well, that's because you're a twit.

A7. Who are you calling a "twit"? Besides, you spelled "twit" wrong.

A8. Oh? And how exactly do *you* spell "twit", twit?

A9. Could you two take this to e-mail? Doesn't anyone want to talk
about lightbulb fans instead of flaming?

A10. You're a twit also, who died and made you net.cop?

A11. Look, all of you, take it to alt.flame or e-mail or something.

A12. Hey, USENET is an anarchy, you have no right to tell them what to
post or not post.

A13. Speaking of anarchists, why don't you all vote for Andre Marrou,
Libertarian Party Candidate for President?

A14. Because the Libertarians are all twits.

A15. Waitaminit! Now we're arguing politics on

A16. Stop wasting bandwidth with this stuff!

A17. What "stuff" pray tell?

A18. Yikes! It's dark in here!

A19. Define "dark".

A20. I mean the lightbulb must be out.

A21. So change it.

A22. Define "change"...


   Did any of you other married guys out there ever wonder whether it's
   better to have loved and lost, than to have loved and won ?


Introductory Chemistry at Duke has been taught for about a zillion years
by Professor Bonk (really), and his course is semi-affectionately known
as "Bonkistry."  He has been around forever, so I wouldn't put it past
him to come up with something like this.  Anyway, one year there were
these two guys who were taking Chemistry and who did pretty well on all
of the quizzes and the midterms and labs, etc., such that going into the
final they had a solid A.

These two friends were so confident going into the final that the
weekend before finals week (even though the Chem final was on Monday),
they decided to go up to UVirginia and party with some friends up there.
So they did this and had a great time.  However, with their hangovers
and everything, they overslept all day Sunday and didn't make it back to
Duke until early monday morning.  Rather than taking the final then,
what they did was to find Professor Bonk after the final and explain to
him why they missed the final.  They told him that they went up to UVa
for the weekend, and had planned to come back in time to study, but that
they had a flat tire on the way back and didn't have a spare and
couldn't get help for a long time and so were late getting back to
campus.  Bonk thought this over and then agreed that they could make up
the final on the following day.  The two guys were elated and relieved.

So, they studied that night and went in the next day at the time that
Bonk had told them.  He placed them in separate rooms and handed each of
them a test booklet and told them to begin.  They looked at the first
problem, which was something simple about molarity and solutions and was
worth 5 points.  "Cool" they thought, "this is going to be easy."  They
did that problem and then turned the page.  They were unprepared,
however, for what they saw on the next page.  It said:

        (95 points) Which tire?


If K-Tel sold toasters...
They would not be available in stores, and
you would get a free set of Ginsu knives.


Q: How do you make a hormone?
A: Don't pay her.


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