Today's jokes [7.1.08]
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What did one Lesbian Frog say to the other?
Gee, we really do taste like chicken.
This lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a
problem. I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know
how to say one thing."
"They only know how to say, 'Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to
have some fun?' "
"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed, "but I have a solution to
your problem. Bring your two talking female parrots over to my house
and I will put them with my two male talking parrots who I taught to
pray and read the bible. My parrots will teach your parrots to stop
saying that terrible phrase and your female parrots will learn to
praise and worship."
"Thank you!" the woman responded.
So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's
house. The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and
praying in their cage.
The lady puts her female parrots in with the male parrots and the
female parrots say, "Hi, we are prostitutes. Do you want to have some
One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and exclaims, "Put
the beads away. Our prayers have been answered!"
Father Goose Story No. 9
Once there was a King who was loved by all of his subjects, especially
because of the hunting excursions he shared with them. As will happen,
one day he died and his eldest son took the throne. Now this new king
was an animal-lover to the core, and immediately outlawed all forms of
hunting and fishing. His subjects accepted this for only a short time
before they ousted him. This is a truly significant event, because it's
the first time a reign was called on account of the game.
A man asked his doctor if he thought he'd live to be a hundred.
The doctor asked the man, "Do you smoke or drink?"
"No," he replied, "I've never done either."
"Do you gamble, drive fast cars, and fool around with women?"
inquired the doctor.
"No, I've never done any of those things either."
"Well then," said the doctor, "what do you want to live to be a
A certain zoo had acquired a very rare species of gorilla. Within a
few weeks the gorilla, a female, became very ornery, and difficult to
handle. Upon examination, the zoo veterinarian determined the problem:
she was in heat. What to do? There was no male of this species
While reflecting on their problem, the zoo administrators noticed
Mike, an employee responsible for cleaning the animals' cages. Now
Mike, it was rumored, possessed ample ability to satisfy any female,
and he wasn't very bright. So the zoo administrators thought they
might have a solution. Perhaps they could entice Mike to satisfy the
female gorilla. So he was approached with a proposition: would he be
willing to screw the gorilla--for five hundred bucks? Mike replied
that he might be interested, but would have to think the matter over.
The following day, Mike announced that he would accept their offer,
but only under three conditions:
"First," he said, "I don't want to have to kiss her," and "Second, I
want nothing to do with any offspring that may result from this
The zoo administration quickly acceded to these conditions, but what
could be the third?
"Well," said Mike, "You've gotta give me another week to come up with
the five hundred bucks."
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