Today's stories [6.11.08]

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Late one Saturday evening, I was awakened by the ringing of my phone.  In 
a sleepy grumpy voice I said hello.  The party on the other end of the 
line paused for a moment before rushing breathlessly into a lengthy 
speech.
"Mom, this is Susan and I'm sorry I woke you up, but I had to call because 
I'm going to be a little late getting home.  See, Dad's car has a flat but 
it's not my fault. Honest!  I don't know what happened. The tire just went 
flat while we were inside the theater.  Please don't be mad, okay?"
Since I don't have any daughters, I knew the person had misdialed.
"I'm sorry dear," I replied, "but you've reached the wrong number. I don't 
have a daughter named Susan."
"Gosh, Mom, "came the young woman's voice, "I didn't think you'd be this 
mad."

My brother snores soo loud.  Recently we went out west for 
vacation, and he didn't snore at all...except the first night we 
were there.  It got to be so bad that I took my pillow, sheet, and 
blanket and went into the bathroom to sleep.  I put my stuff in 
the bathtub, shut the door, and fell asleep in the tub.  Me, being 
the sound sleeper that I am, didn't hear the door open when my 
brother had to use the toilet.  Seeing me fast asleep in the 
bathtub, he turned the water on.  I slept right through the whole 
thing until morning, when my sheet and blanket were soaked by 
lukewarm water.  I thought I wet the bed until my brother 
confessed a few days later.

A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into
the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm
is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the
whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I
sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment.
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant
smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his
artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out. 

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