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Today's poems [6.12.08]

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A cautious young husband named Rafe 
            Used to diddle his wife with a safe. 
                Thus he thwarted God's wishes 
                And fed his pet fishes, 
            Which he kept in a bedside carafe. 

1. 




If Dr. Seuss Wrote for Star Trek: The Next Generation



     Picard:    Sigma Indri, that's the star,
                So Data, please, how far?  How far?

     Data:      Our ship can get there very fast
                But still the trip will last and last
                We'll have two days til we arrive
                But can the Indrans there survive?

     Picard:    LaForge, please give us factor nine.

     LaForge:   But sir, the engines are offline!

     Picard:    Offline:  But why?  I want to go!
                Please make it so, please make it so!

     Riker:     But sir, if Geordi says we can't,
                We can't, we mustn't, and we shan't,
                The danger here is far too great!

     Picard:    But surely we must not be late!

     Troi:      I'm sensing anger and great ire.

     Computer:  Alert!  Alert!  The ship's on fire!

     Picard:    The ship's on fire?  How could this be?
                Who lit the fire?

     Riker:     Not me.

     Worf:      Not me.

     Picard:    Computer, how long til we die?

     Computer:  Eight minutes left to say goodbye.

     Data:      May I suggest a course to take?
                We could, I think, quite safely make
                Extinguishers from tractor beams
                And stop the fire, or so it seems...

     Geordi:    Hurray!  Hurray!  You've saved the day!
                Again I say, Hurray!  Hurray!

     Picard:    Mr. Data, thank you much.
                You've saved our lives, our ship, and such.

     Troi:      We still must save the Indran planet --

     Data:      Which (by the way) is made of granite...

     Picard:    Enough, you android.  Please desist.
                We understand -- we get your gist.
                But can we get our ship to go?
                Please, make it so, PLEASE make it so.

     Geordi:    There's sabotage among the wires
                And that's what started all the fires.

     Troi:      We have a saboteur?  Oh, no!
                We need to go!  We need to go!

     Riker:     We must seek out the traitor spy
                And lock him up and ask him, "Why?"

     Worf:      Ask him why?  How sentimental.
                I say give him problems dental.

     Troi:      Are any Romulan ships around?
                Have scanners said that they've been found?
                Or is it Borg or some new threat
                We haven't even heard of yet?
                I sense no malice in this crew.
                Now what are we supposed to do?

     Crusher:   Captain, please, the Indrans need us.
                They cry out, "Help us, clothe us, feed us!"
                I can't just sit and let them die!
                A doctor MUST attempt -- MUST try!

     Picard:    Doctor, please, we'll get there soon.

     Crusher:   They may be dead by Tuesday noon.

     *COMMERCIAL BREAK, COMMERCIAL BREAK
     HOW LONG WILL THESE DUMB ADS TAKE?*

     Worf:      The saboteur is in the brig.
                He's very strong and very big.
                I had my fazer set on stun.
                A zzzip!  A zzzap!  Another one!
                He would not budge, he would not fall,
                He would not stun, no, not at all!
                He changed into a stranger form
                All soft and purple, round and warm.

     Picard:    Did you see this, Mr. Worf?
                Did you see this creature morph?

     Worf:      I did and then I beat him fairly.
                Hit him on the jaw -- quite squarely.

     Riker:     My commendations, Klingon friend!
                 Our troubles now are at an end!

     Crusher:   Now let's get our ship to fly
                And orbit yonder Indran sky!

     Picard:    LaForge, please tell me we can go...?

     Geordi:    Yes, sir, we can.

     Picard:    Then make it so!

                       ***** THE END *****



2. 




                    A sweet young strip dancer named Jane
                            
                    Wore five inches of thin cellophane.
                            When asked why she wore it
                            She said, "I abhor it,
                            
                    But my juices would spatter like rain,"
                            


3. 




There was a young fellow of Kent 
            Whose prick was so long it was bent, 
                So to save himself trouble 
                He put it in double, 
            And instead of coming he went. 

4. 




There was a young woman in Dee 
            Who stayed with each man she did see. 
                When it came to a test 
                She wished to be best, 
            And practice makes perfect, you see. 

5. 



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