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Today's jokes [6.17.08]

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Q: What do you say to a girl with two black eyes?
A: Nothing, you already told the bitch twice.

1. 




The boy asks his dad:
"What's the difference between a 'cunt' and a 'pussy'?"

The dad gets a Penthouse magazine, draws a circle around a
crotch and says: "Everything inside the circle is a 'pussy',
everything outside the circle is a 'cunt'" 

2. 




Nancy & Betty, and Jim & Tom were in the old people's home. Nancy & Betty 
thought Jim & Tom weren't getting enough excitement so they decided to run 
naked past Jim & Tom's room. Later that night they did just that.
Jim looked at Tom and said, "Did you see that? What in the hell were Nancy 
& Betty wearing?" "I don't know, but whatever it was, it sure needed 
ironing."

3. 




One year at halloween the governor was giving a costume 
party.  All the gentry were there and as they arrived the 
doorman would announce what there characters were.

When one couple arrived he announced "Mickey and Minnie 
Mouse".

As the next couple arrived he announced "Tarzan and Jane" 
and so on as each guest arrived.

Later in the evening a man arrived dressed only in a pair of 
underpants but apart from that totally naked from head to toe.

"Who do you think you are?" demanded the doorman.  Having 
ascertained that the man was indeed an invited guest from the 
local university CS department The doorman asked "How 
shall I announce you?"

The man said, "I'm premature ejaculation"

"I'm very sorry sir", said the doorman in obvious shock, "I 
cannot announce anything like that to such a gathering."

"O.K." said the professor.  "Just say I came in my pants"



4. 




    The crusty old managing partner finally passed away, but
   his law firm kept receiving calls asking to speak with him. "I'm
   sorry, he's dead," was the standard answer. Finally, the receptionist
   who fielded the calls began to realize it was always the same voice,
   so she asked who it was and why he kept calling. The reply: "I used to
   be one of his junior associates, and I just like to hear you say it."


5. 



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