Today's jokes [6.16.08]

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Three guys are in a plane, lost in fog, and they don't know
where they are. The first guy says "I'll find out" and puts
his arm out the plane, then brings it back in  and says
"We're just over Paris"
"How do you know" ask the others
"Well I've just felt the top of the Eiffel tower."
Later on the second guy tries and says "We just flew over London"
"How?" asks the others
"Well I've just felt the top of Big Ben"
Still later on the last guy tries it, puts his arm out the
plane, and says to the others "We have just flown over Glasgow."
"How do you know that?" comes the reply.
"Because some bastard has just stolen my watch"

How to Catch a White Elephant
                   =============================
                 Submitted By Niels Kristian Jensen

Go to an place where there are white elephants.  Bring with you a
muffin (with raisins).  Climb a tree.  When the white elephant is close,
drop the muffin (with raisins) in front of it.  The white elephant will
be happy, and eat the muffin (with raisins).  White elephants like
muffins (with raisins).  Repeat this procedure for five days in a row.

After the fifth day, the white elephant will be used to its daily muffin
(with rasins).  The sixth day you climb the tree, bring with you a muffin
without rasins.  Drop the muffin as usual.  When the white elephant finds
out that the muffin lacks raisins, it will darken in anger.

And then you catch it the same way as an ordinary grey elephant.

What do you call Toys R' Us in the hood?

We B Toyz N' Shit

There was a guy sitting at a bar having a beer.
Up walks a so called "lady of the night". She
says, "For $300.00, I'll do anything you want."
Our fine lad thinks for a moment then says:

Ok. Paint my house, bitch! 

The wealthy, high-society mother of a 17-year-old girl was concerned that 
her daughter was having sex. Worried the girl might become pregnant, and 
adversely impact the family's status, she consulted the family doctor. 
The doctor told her that teenagers today were very willful, and any 
attempt to stop the girl would probably result in rebellion. He then told 
her to arrange for her daughter to be put on birth control and, until 
then, talk to her and give her a box of condoms. 
Later that evening, as her daughter was preparing for a date, the woman 
told her about the situation and handed her a box of condoms. 
The girl started to laugh and reached over to hug her mother saying, "Oh 
Mom! You don't have to worry about that! I'm dating a woman!"

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