Today's jokes [6.15.08]

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   A man went to the Doctor and the doctor told him he had only 24 hours
   to live. He goes home to tell his wife and after they both had a long
   cry over it, he asked her if she would have sex with him since he only
   had 24 hours to live.
   
   "Of course Darling," she replied.
   
   And so they have sex.
   
   Four hours later they are lying in bed and he turns to her again and
   says, "you know I only have 20 hours to live, do you think we could do
   it again?"
   
   Again she responds very sympathetically and agrees to have sex.
   
   Another 8 hours pass, and she had fallen asleep from exhaustion. He
   taps her on the shoulder, and asks her again, "You know dear, I only
   have 12 more hours left, how about again for old times sake?"
   
   By this time she is getting a little annoyed, but reluctantly agrees.
   
   After they finish she goes back to sleep and 4 hours later, he taps
   her on the shoulder again and says, "Dear, I hate to keep bothering
   you but you know I only have 8 hours left before I die, can we do it
   one more time?"
   
   She turns to him with a sour look on her face and says, "You
   know....... you don't have to get up in the morning. I do!!!"
   

What do you call a dog with two balls and no hind legs?

Sparky

A big 300 pound, seven foot brute of a man walked into a bar
one evening and said to the bartender "Give everyone a drink
except that gay guy over there"

About fifteen minutes later he gives the same order, "Give everyone
a drink except that gay guy over there"

The gay guy asks the bartender for two ice cubes. The bartender
asks why, and the gay guy says "I am going to put one in each
cheek, go over there, and cold-cock that big sonofabitch!" 

A rancher from Central Arizona died and went on to the Great Beyond. As he
approached the great gate, he noticed that the terrain was bare with no
greenery. He remarked to the gate keeper, "Howdy Saint Peter. Say, this
looks just like Arizona." "The gatekeeper replied, "First of all, I'm not
Saint Peter...and second, you really don't know where you are at all, do 
you?"

A Programmer and an Engineer are sitting next to each other on a long
flight from LA to NY. The Programmer leans over to the Engineer and asks if
he would like to play a fun game. The Engineer just wants to take a nap, so
he politely declines and rolls over to the window to catch a few winks.

The Programmer persists and explains that the game is real easy and a lotta
fun. He explains "I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer,
you pay me $5. Then you ask me a question, and if I don't know the answer,
I'll pay you $5." Again, the Engineer politely declines and tries to get to
sleep. The Programmer, now somewhat agitated, says, "OK, if you don't know
the answer you pay me $5, and if I don't know the answer, I'll pay you
$50!"

This catches the Engineer's attention, and he sees no end to this torment
unless he plays, so he agrees to the game. The Programmer asks the first
question. "What's the distance from the earth to the moon?" The Engineer
doesn't say a word, but reaches into his wallet, pulls out a five dollar
bill and hands it to the Programmer.

Now, it's the Engineer's turn. He asks the Programmer "What goes up a hill
with three legs, and comes down on four?"

The Programmer looks up at him with a puzzled look. He takes out his laptop
computer and searches all of his references. He taps into the Airphone with
his modem and searches the net and the Library of Congress.

Frustrated, he sends e-mail to his co-workers -- all to no avail.

After about an hour, he wakes the Engineer and hands him $50. The Engineer
politely takes the $50 and turns away to try to get back to sleep.
The Programmer, more than a little miffed, shakes the Engineer and asks
"Well, so what's the answer?"

Without a word, the Engineer reaches into his wallet, hands the Programmer
$5, and turns away to get back to sleep.

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