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Today's jokes [6.14.08]

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   The newlyweds had decided to take Amtrak's "Car Train" to Florida, so
   they would have the mobility of being able to use their own vehicle on
   the honeymoon. They settled into one of the train's upper berths
   together and cuddled. As the nite progressed, the new bride was heard
   to say quite excitedly a number of times, "I just can't believe that
   we're finally married Kenny."
   
   After about the 3rd time in five minutes, a voice came out of the
   dark, "God dammit Kenny !!! Will you please convince her so's we can
   all get some sleep ???"


1. 




   A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a
   giraffe walked in.
   "Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a babe!" "Well, why not try
   your luck?" replied
   the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to
   her. Within five
   minutes they're out the door and into the night. The next day, the
   lion was drinking in the
   bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out,
   and can hardly hold
   himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink
   down his throat and
   said, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the
   giraffe, what happened
   after that? Was she all right?"
   The mouse replied, "Yeah, she was really something, we went out to
   dinner, had a couple
   of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the
   night. And oh, man!
   I've never had a night like it!" "But how come you look like you're so
   exhausted?" asked
   the lion. "Well" said the mouse, "between the kissing and the
   screwing, I must have run a
   thousand miles!"
   


2. 




   
   This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny
   wearing a red firefighter's hat and sitting in a red wagon which is
   being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little
   closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the
   dog's testicles, which may explain why the dog is walking so slowly.
   Going up to the kid, he said,"That's a nice fire engine you got there,
   but I bet it would go faster if you have the rope around the dog's
   neck."
   "Yeah," the kid replied."But I wouldn't have a siren."


3. 




Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked
a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you
looking for?"

The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending
on the benefits package."

The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of
5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased
every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"

The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"

And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."

4. 




Answering Machine Recording:
"You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1 
now.......Now press the other one." 

5. 



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