Today's jokes [6.14.08]
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The newlyweds had decided to take Amtrak's "Car Train" to Florida, so
they would have the mobility of being able to use their own vehicle on
the honeymoon. They settled into one of the train's upper berths
together and cuddled. As the nite progressed, the new bride was heard
to say quite excitedly a number of times, "I just can't believe that
we're finally married Kenny."
After about the 3rd time in five minutes, a voice came out of the
dark, "God dammit Kenny !!! Will you please convince her so's we can
all get some sleep ???"
A mouse and a lion walk were in a bar, drinking a few beers when a
giraffe walked in.
"Get a load of her" said the mouse, "what a babe!" "Well, why not try
your luck?" replied
the lion. So the mouse went over to the giraffe and started talking to
her. Within five
minutes they're out the door and into the night. The next day, the
lion was drinking in the
bar, when the mouse staggered in. The mouse is completely worn out,
and can hardly hold
himself up. The lion helped his pal up on to a stool, poured a drink
down his throat and
said, "What the hell happened to you? I saw you leave with the
giraffe, what happened
after that? Was she all right?"
The mouse replied, "Yeah, she was really something, we went out to
dinner, had a couple
of glasses of wine, and she invited me back to her place to spend the
night. And oh, man!
I've never had a night like it!" "But how come you look like you're so
the lion. "Well" said the mouse, "between the kissing and the
screwing, I must have run a
This guy was walking down the sidewalk when he sees a Little Johnny
wearing a red firefighter's hat and sitting in a red wagon which is
being pulled slowly by a large Labador Retriever. When he got a little
closer, he saw that the kid was holding a rope which is tied to the
dog's testicles, which may explain why the dog is walking so slowly.
Going up to the kid, he said,"That's a nice fire engine you got there,
but I bet it would go faster if you have the rope around the dog's
"Yeah," the kid replied."But I wouldn't have a siren."
Reaching the end of a job interview, the human resources person asked
a young engineer fresh out of MIT, "And what starting salary were you
The engineer said, "In the neighborhood of $125,000 a year, depending
on the benefits package."
The interviewer said, "Well, what would you say to a package of
5-weeks vacation, 14 paid holidays, full medical and dental, company
matching retirement fund to 50% of salary, and a company car leased
every 2 years - say, a red Corvette?"
The Engineer sat up straight and said, "Wow! Are you kidding?"
And the interviewer replied, "Yeah, but you started it."
Answering Machine Recording:
"You have reached the breast self-examination hot line. Please press 1
now.......Now press the other one."
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