Today's jokes [6.11.08]

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Judi went to a "Dude Ranch" on vacation.  The cowboy
preparing the horses asked if she wanted a Western or
English saddle.

Judi asked what the difference was.

"Well, one has a horn and the other doesn't."

"Just get the one without the horn.  I don't think
we'll run into too much traffic out here."

A man was driving from New York to San Francisco.  He got as far as
Cleveland, when he realized he was getting terribly horny.  So he looked 
up a house of ill repute and took care of the problem.  Immediately, a 
severe guilt reaction set in, so he went to confession.  For penance, he 
was told to say 10,000 Hail Mary's.  So he went on driving and praying.
By the time he got through with the 10,000 Hail Mary's, he was approaching
San Francisco.  Suddenly he realized he was terribly horny.
So he looked up a house of ill repute, and had an orgy.  Again there was a
severe guilt reaction, so he went to confession.  It was an old Irish 
priest who said, "For penance say three Hail Mary's".  The man said, 
"What??  In Cleveland, I had to say 10,000 Hail Mary's for the same thing.  
Father replied quietly, "Sure now, and what would they know about fucking 
in Cleveland?".

Three Republicans walk into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve Republicans here."
The Republicans say, "That's OK...We don't serve you either.

A woman goes into the local newspaper office to see that the obituary
for her recently deceased husband is published. After the editor
informs her that the fee for the obituary is 50 cents a word, she
pauses, reflects and then says, "Well, then, let it read 'Fred Brown
died'." 

Confounded at the woman's thrift, the editor stammers that there is a
7-word minimum for all obituaries. The woman pauses again, counts on
her fingers and replies, "In that case, 'Fred Brown died: 1983 Pick-up
for sale'."

A wife was berating her husband. He motioned for her to quiet 
down saying, "Don't unleash the beast in me."

The wife snickered and replied, "Unlike a lot of women, 'dear', 
I'm not the least bit afraid of a mouse."

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