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Today's jokes [6.1.08]

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Two blondes were walking down the street. One noticed a 
compact on the sidewalk and leaned down to pick it up. She 
opened it, looked in the mirror, and said, "Hmmm, this person 
looks familiar."

"Let me look." said the other one. So she handed her the compact.

The second blonde looked in the mirror then turned to the first one.
"You dumbass -- that's ME!

1. 




Why do they bury lawers 26 feet underground?

Because deep down, they are really nice guys. 

2. 




Personally I think one of the greatest things about marriage is that
   as both husband and Father, I can say anything I want to around the
   house.
   
   Of course, no one pays the least bit of attention.


3. 




A woman went to a podiatrist complaining that her feet always hurt.
He immediately noticed that she was extremely bowlegged.
"Have you always been that way?" asked the podiatrist.
"No," she said, not until recently. "I've been fucking a lot doggie 
style."
"Well," said the podiatrist, "you are going to have to stop."
"I can't," she replied, "that's the only way my German Shepherd fucks."

4. 




   A man decides to take the opportunity while his wife is away to paint
   the toilet seat. The wife comes home sooner than expected, sits, and
   gets the seat stuck to her rear. She is understandably distraught
   about this and asks her husband to drive her to the doctor. She puts
   on a large overcoat so as to cover the stuck seat, and they go.
   
   When they get to the doctor's, the man lifts his wife's coat to show
   their predicament. The man asks, "Doctor, have you ever seen anything
   like this before?"
   
   "Well, yes," the doctor replies, "but not framed like that."
   


5. 



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