Today's stories [5.2.08]

Vote for the story that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to story categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your story reading.

The Criminally Stupid Bank Robber


In San Francisco, a man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of
America, walked into a local branch and wrote, "this iz a
stikkup.  Put all your muny in this bag."

While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller,
he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and
that they might call the police before he even reached the teller
window.  So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to
Wells Fargo.

After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the
Wells Fargo teller.  She read it, noticing all of his spelling
errors.  She quickly surmised that he wasn't the brightest light
in the harbor.

Then she told him that she could not accept his stickup note
because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that
he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go
back to Bank of America.

Looking somewhat defeated, the man said "OK" and left.  The Wells
Fargo teller then called the police who arrested the man a few
minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.

Volunteer Fire Department

A fire started on some grassland near a farm in Indiana. The fire
department from the nearby town was called to put the fire out. The 
fire proved to be more than the small town fire department could handle, 
so someone suggested that a rural volunteer fire department be called.
Though there was doubt that they would be of any assistance, the call
was made.

The volunteer fire department arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck.
They drove straight towards the fire and stopped in the middle of the
flames. The volunteer firemen jumped off the truck and frantically
started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the
center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controllable
parts.

The farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work
and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that he presented the
volunteer fire department with a check for $1000.

A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the
department planned to do with the funds.

"That should be obvious," he responded, "the first thing we're gonna do
is get the brakes fixed on that stupid fire truck."

Arrested In A Pumpkin Patch

Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male,
resident of Wilmington, NC, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38 PM
Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious
behavior, public indecency, and public intoxication at the County
Courthouse on Monday.

The suspect allegedly stated that as he was passing a pumpkin
patch, he decided to stop. "You know, a pumpkin is soft and
squishy inside, and there was no one around here for miles. At
least I thought there wasn't." he stated in a phone interview
from the County Courthouse jail.

Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of the
road, picked out a pumpkin that he thought was appropriate for
his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy his
alleged "need". "I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he
commented with evident embarrassment.

In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the
Wilmington Municipal police car approaching and was unaware of
his audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him.

"It was an unusual situation, that's for sure", said officer
Taylor. "I walked up to [Davidson] and he's . . . just working
away at this pumpkin."

Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Davidson.

"I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do you realize what
you're doing with that pumpkin?'

He got real surprised as you would expect and then looked me
straight in the face and said: "'A pumpkin? Damn.... is it
midnight already?'"

By voting you are helping select today's best story. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best stories to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Jokes Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   May '08 Stories Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31