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Today's jokes [5.30.08]

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Heard about Salman Rushdie's sequels to "Satanic Verses"?

                         1) Buddha, you Fat Fucking Bastard,
                         2) Jesus was a Lousy Carpenter.



1. 




What does Kurt Cobain and Michaelangelo have in common? 

They both used their brains to paint the ceiling. 

2. 




Holiday Party Festivity Levels

Level I: 

     Your guests are conversing quietly, nibbling at their hors d'oerves,
     and sipping their drinks. Later, some of the gather by the piano to
     sing carols while others admire the ornaments on your tree. 

Level II: 

     Your guests are talking loudly, wolfing hors d'oerves, and drinking
     from the bottles. Some people gather by the piano to sing "I Gotta
     Be Me" while others begin rearranging your ornaments. 

Level III: 

     Your guests are arguing wildly among themselves, those that haven't
     passed out from the upside-down margaritas. One person is singing
     "I Can't Get No Satisfaction", which can barely be heard over the
     sound of breaking ornaments. A small group of guests begin placing
     hors d'oerves in the piano to see what happens when the little
     hammers strike. 

Level IV: 

     Your guests, hors d'oerves smeared over their naked bodies, are
     performing a ritualistic dance around the burning Christmas tree.
     The piano is missing. 

In general, you want to keep your party around Level III, unless you rent
your home, have insurance, and are carrying firearms. The quickest way to
get to Level III is egg-nog. 

3. 




What do you call a gay Indian? 

    A brave sucker! 

4. 




A traveling salesman's car breaks down, and he walks over
to a near by farm. He knocks on the door and the farmer
appears. 
"Excuse me sir, but my car broke down about a mile down
the road, and I was wondering if you had a place I could stay,
just until morning, and I....." 
The farmer says, "Well, I can let you sleep in the barn, but
you'll have to sleep with my two sons...." 
The salesman says, "Sons! I must be in the wrong joke!"  

5. 



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