Today's jokes [5.29.08]
Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes.
Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.
The guy considered himself lucky to have been able to attract
and bed such a luscious looking dish. He was even considering
trying to establish a relationship instead of just a one night
stand. But he couldn't help but wonder why she wasn't already
"I can't help feeling that we've met before." he said.
"Yeah, I know." sighed the girl stretching. "It happens to me
a lot. I think they call this 'deja screw'.
These two guys are car pooling home from work one day. Traffic is
barely crawling along and they are both a bit bored. So the driver is
looking around and suddenly he points at two dogs having sex on
someone's front lawn.
"Look", he shouts "What are the those dogs doing? are they fighting?"
The passenger, being a man of the world, replies "They are having sex.
Don't tell me that you have never had sex doggie style before?"
The driver, a bit embarrassed, admits that he has never had sex
doggie style. So the passenger says, "You have to try it. Its pretty
cool. Here's what you do. Tonight when you get home, fix your wife
a margarita and then suggest that you want to try this new sexual
The driver thinks a bit and then decides he will give it a
try. The next morning, the two commuters are back in the car and the
passenger asks, "Well, how did it go?" To which the driver replies, "It was
But it took me 6 Margaritas just to get her on the front lawn."
Miracle Bra Alternative
A husband, tired of his wife asking him how she looks, buys her a full
length mirror. This
does little to help, as now she just stands in front of the mirror,
looking at herself, asking
him how she looks.
One day, fresh out of the shower, she is yet again in front of the
mirror, now complaining
that her breasts are too small.
Uncharacteristically, the husband comes up with a suggestion. "If you
want your breasts to
grow, then every day take a piece of toilet paper and rub it between
your breasts for a few
Willing to try anything, the wife fetches a piece of toilet paper, and
stands in front of the
mirror, rubbing it between her breasts.
"How long will this take?" she asks.
"They'll grow gradually larger over a period of some years," he
The wife stops. "Why do you think rubbing a piece of toilet paper
between my breasts
everyday will make my breasts grow?" she asks.
The husband shrugs. "Why not, it worked for your ass, didn't it?"
by Dennis DiPasquale
The other day I went to the local religious book store,
where I saw a HONK IF YOU LOVE JESUS bumper sticker. I bought it
and put it on the back bumper of my car, and I'm really glad I
did. What an uplifting experience followed. I was stopped at the
light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the
Lord, and didn't notice that the light had changed. That bumper
sticker really worked! I found lots of people who love Jesus.
Why, the guy behind me started to honk like crazy. He must REALLY
love the lord because pretty soon, he leaned out his window and
yelled, "Jesus Christ!!" as loud as he could. It was like a
football game with him shouting, "GO JESUS CHRIST,GO!!!"
Everyone else started honking, too, so I leaned out my window and
waved and smiled to all of those loving people. There must have
been a guy from Florida back there because I could hear him
yelling something about a sunny beach, and saw him waving in a
funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air.
I asked my two kids what that meant. They kind of squirmed,
looked at each other, giggled and told me that it was the
Hawaiian good luck sign. So, I leaned out the window and gave him
the good luck sign back. Several cars behind, a very nice black
man stepped out of his car and yelled something. I couldn't hear
him very well, but it sounded like, "Mother trucker," or
"Mother's from there." Maybe he was from Florida, too. He must
really love the lord. A couple of the people were so caught up in
the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and were
walking toward me. I bet they wanted to pray, but just then I
noticed that the light had changed, and stepped on the gas. And a
good thing I did, because I was the only driver to get across the
intersection. I looked back at them standing there. I leaned way
out the window, gave them a big smile and held up the Hawaiian
good luck sign, as I drove away. Praise the Lord for such
Do you know why single women can't fart?
Because, they don't get assholes untill they get married.
By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.
Today's StoriesToday's PoemsToday's QuotesToday's Funny Pic
S M T W Th F St
1 2 3
4 5 6 7 8 9 10
11 12 13 14 15 16 17
18 19 20 21 22 23 24
25 26 27 28 29 30 31