Today's jokes [5.27.08]

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   This day holds a lot of meaning for me. It was on this day two years
   ago that I lost my dear wife and children.
   
   I'll never forget that game of cards...
   

A woman walks into a tattoo parlour and asks 'Do you do custom work?'

'Why of course!'

'Good. I'd like a portrait of Robert Redford on the inside of my
right thigh, and a portrait of Paul Newman on the inside of
my left thigh.'

'No problem,' says the artist. 'Strip from the waist down and get
up on the table.'

After two hours of hard work, the artist finishes.
The woman sits up and examines the tattoos.

'That doesn't look like them!' she complains loudly.

'Oh yes it does,' the artist says indignantly, 'and I
can prove it.' With that, he runs out of the shop
and grabs the first man off the street he can find;
it happens to be the town drunk.

'Well, what do you think?' the woman asks, spreading
her legs. 'Do you know who these men are?'

The drunk studies the tattoos for a couple of minutes
and says. 'I'm not sure who the guys on either side are,
but the fellow in the middle is definately Willie Nelson!' 

Two wives were airing their troubles:
"I'd like to get a divorce," said the first.
"My husband and I just don't get along."
"Why don't you sue him for incompatibility?"
asked the second.
"I would if I could catch him at it,"
replied the first. 

Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90 percent. 

    Wedding cake! 

Job Applicant:  "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."
Employer:  "I'm sorry, we already have enough cosultants."
Applicant:   "That's ok, with my experience, I can be an 
advisor."
Employer:  "More than we can use already."
Applicant:  As he is getting desperate, "I'm not proud, I can do
paperwork, I'll be a clerk,  If you have too many, I'll start as a 
janitor."
Employer:  "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings for 
a person with your qualifications."
Applicant:  As he stands up and angrily yells, "work for you I'd 
have to be a low life, belly crawling, double dealing jerk!"
Employer:  "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney, have a 
seat, we may have an opening."

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