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Today's jokes [5.25.08]

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   Little Johnny was in class again.Teacher asked everyone "Can anyone
   tell me a sentence
   with the word definitely in it?" Meg puts up her hand."The sky is
   definitely blue." "Thats
   not bad,Meg," says the teacher, "but the sky can be grey or red."
   Young Sally tried :"The
   grass is definitely green." "Good try Sally,but grass can be yellow or
   brown too!"
   Suddenly Little Johnny's hand shoots up."Miss Brown does a fart have
   lumps?" The
   teacher was horrified."No of course not Johnny! What are you talking
   about?" So Johnny
   says,"Well then Miss brown, I've definitely shit my pants!"
   


1. 




   A friend of mine told me he had signed up with one of these on-line
   dating services. I asked him the other day if he had had any luck and
   he said he'd quit -- seems they'd matched him up with his wife.


2. 




A big fat housewife is on her hands and knees, scrubbing the kitchen 
floor, when she suddenly yells to her husband, "Come here quick, Charlie! 
I'm paralyzed! I can't get up!" He comes in, takes a look, and says, 
"Stand up, you silly old bat. You're kneeling on one of your tits." 

3. 




On visting a seriously ill lawyer in the hospital, his friend found him
sitting up in the bed, frantically leafing through the bible "What are
you doing?" asked the friend. "Looking for loopholes," repied the lawyer. 

4. 




When a man takes off his pants in a hotel room,
what's the first thing to hang out?

The DO NOT DISTURB sign!

5. 



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