Today's jokes [5.21.08]
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A guy was trying to console a friend who'd just found his wife
in bed with another man.
"Get over it, buddy," he said. "It's not the end of the world."
"It's all right for you to say," answered his buddy. "But what
if you came home one night and caught another man in bed with
The fella ponders for a moment, then says, "I'd break his cane
and kick his seeing-eye dog in the ass."
The doctor looked benignly at the woman who had come to him for an
"Mrs. Brown," he said, "I have some good news for you."
The woman said, "I'm glad of that doctor, but I'm Miss Brown,"
"Miss Brown," said the doctor without changing expression, "I have bad
news for you."
An elderly patient needed a heart transplant and discussed his
options with his doctor. The doctor said, "We have 3 possible
donors; the 1st is a young, healthy athlete who died in an
automobile accident, the 2nd is a middle-aged businessman
who never drank or smoked and who died flying his private jet.
The 3rd is an attorney who died after practicing law for 30
years. Which do you want?"
"I'll take the lawyer's heart", said the patient.
After a successful transplant, the doctor asked the patient why
he had chosen the donor he did. "It was easy", said the
patient, "I wanted a heart that hadn't been used."
"Three Men And A Baby"........What you get when four men go fishing and
one comes back after having caught nothing.
During World War II, Hitler told his Nazis to rape as may French women as
they could then say, "In nine months you will have a baby. Name it Adolf.
Heil Hitler!" So a young Nazi soldier, eager to do his duty, dutifully
went out and raped a pretty young French girl. He said, "In nine months
you will have a baby. Name it Adolf. Heil Hitler!" She replied, "In a few
weeks you will have a disease. Name it syphillis. Vive la France!"
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