Today's jokes [5.16.08]
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Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he
woke that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
This one hasn't come up despite the presence of UCLA on the net. I'm
led to the sad conclusion that the tradition has died.
In the mid '70s, just before it was overrun by fanatic Dungeons \&
Dragons (tm) players, the UCLA Computer Club was host to a long series
of "glitter traps." Example: joke subject sits at a desk, pulls out a
drawer. A string runs from the back of the drawer, up the wall, into
the false ceiling, over to a spot directly over the subject's head,
where it triggers the trap: a mousetrap whose action snaps a card away
from its position covering a funnel, releasing a handful of glitter,
which flows down the funnel, through its spout, through a hole in the
ceiling acoustic tile, onto the subject. It was wonderful to watch: a
muffled snapping noise, a quiet "chuff," and the slow, glittery descent
of a cloud of brightly colored dust, to settle over the head and
shoulders of a club member who by now has assumed an expression of
Another, more short-lived ploy was to suspend a wooden horseshoe by a
string from the ceiling in the corridor, such that the horseshow
dangles a couple of inches above the top of an upright broom. Most
conventional brooms will stand on their straws with a little coaxing.
We attached a sign labeling the horseshow "wood magnet." Quite a few
people took it at face value.
This businessman was walking down the sidewalk when a jet black van
stopped by him. The guys pulled the man inside, stripped him of all his
clothes till he was butt naked, threw him back outside, and then slammed
the door shut taking off.
Five miles later the men look outside and see the businessman running
right beside the van. The thought "oh well". So they drove on for another
five miles, and once again they saw the businessman running beside their
van. So this time they pulled over, opened the door, and asked the man,
"Hey, how can you run so fast?" He replied, "You would to if your dick was
stuck in the door.
The scene was Mount Olympus, where Bacchus, the Greek
god of wine, had thrown a party for a pair of visiting Roman
deities -- Ceres, the goddess of agriculture, and Janus, the two-
faced god of doors and beginnings. Everyone overdid it, more or
less. Ceres at one point was staggering and turning in circles;
Janus, equally submerged, was trying to dance with her.
Bacchus feared that the pair might fall over, so he went to
steady them. .... This marked the first time that a whirled Ceres
was held with a double-header.
Q. Why is the section of body between a womans breasts and
her croutch called a waste??
A. You could fit another pair of breasts there
Sent by sam
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