Today's poems [4.16.08]

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There was a young lady named Rose 
                              Who'd occasionally straddle a hose, 
                                        And parade about squirting 
                                        And spouting and spurting, 
                              Pretending she pissed like her beaux 

                              She was seen by her cousin named Anne, 
                              Who improved the original plan. 
                                        She said, "My dear Rose, 
                                        In this lowly old hose 
                              Are all the best parts of a man." 

                              So, avoiding the crude and sadistic, 
                              She frigged in a manner artistic: 
                                        At the height of her pleasure 
                                        She turned up the pressure, 
                              And cried, "Ain't it grand and realistic!" 

                              They soon told the Duchess of Fyfe, 
                              And her crony, the alderman's wife; 
                                        And they found it so pleasing, 
                                        And tickling and teasing 
                              That they washed men right out of their life. 

                              It was tried by the great Mrs. Biddle, 
                              And she said to her husband, "Go fiddle! 
                                        Here's double the fun, 
                                        And you get three in one--- 
                              A ducking, a douche, and a diddle." 

                              It was tried by the dancer, Di Basle, 
                              Whose cunt was just made for a nozzle. 
                                        She said, "I admit 
                                        It's an elegant fit, 
                              But of course it won't do for the arse 'ole." 

                              It was tried by the Duchess of Porter, 
                              And passed on by her to her daughter, 
                                        Who said, "With a leman 
                                        You're fearful of semen, 
                              But a fuck's as effective with water." 

                              Thus writes Lady Vanderbilt-Horsett, 
                              Who invented the Lonely-Maid Corset: 
                                        "I thought all vicarious 
                                        Fucking precarious. 
                              I was wrong. It's a whiz. I endorse it. 

                              Soon in Paris, on the Boulevard Salique, 
                              You sould purchase (complet avec talic, 
                                        Pour soixante francs cinq) 
                                        A short hose and a tank, 
                              And they call it Le Fuckeur Hydraulique. 

A disgusting young man named McGill 
               Made his neighbors exceedingly ill 
                    When they learned of his habits 
                    Involving white rabbits 
               And a bird with a flexible bill 

There was a young fellow named Bliss
Whose sex life was strangely amiss,
    For even with Venus
    His recalcitrant penis
Would never do better than t
                           h
                           i
                           s
                           .

A young sky diver named Sherm
jumped out with his cock long and firm
two jerks and a spasm,
he had an orgasm
and spelled out "I love you" in sperm.

Part 1 of 3
There were three young ladies of Birmingham,
And this is the scandal concerning 'em.
They lifted the frock
And tickled the cock
Of the Bishop engaged in confirming 'em.

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