Today's jokes [4.8.08]

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An Irish priest and a Rabbi found themselves sharing a compartment on a train.
After a while, the priest opened a conversation by saying "I know that, in your
religion, you're not supposed to eat pork...Have you actually ever tasted it?

The Rabbi said, "I must tell the truth. Yes, I have, on the odd occasion."

Then the Rabbi had his turn of interrogation. He asked, "Your religion, too...
I know you're suposed to be celibate. But...."

The priest replied, "Yes, I know what you're going to ask. I have succumbed
once or twice."

There was silence for a while. Then the Rabbi peeped around the newspaper he
was reading and said, "Better than pork, isn't it?" 

Did you know that once you get married,
           you can look forward to three different kinds of sex?
                                      
   First, there's House Sex:
          That's when you make love all over the house: on the floor, on
          the kitchen table, in the garage, anywhere, anytime -- much
          like two crazed rabbits.
          
   Then comes Bedroom Sex:
          That's when the kids are finally fed, bathed and asleep; the
          curtains closed; nothing much on TV; and the door locked -- you
          make love in the bedroom.
          
   Last comes Hall Sex:
          That's when you pass each other in the hall and snarl -- "Screw
          You !"

Why do women fake orgasms?

Because men fake foreplay.

In a small Southern town there was a nativity scene that 
indicated great skill and talent in its creation. One small feature 
bothered me though. The three wise men were wearing 
firemen's helmets. 

Totally unable to come up with a reason or explanation, I left. 
At a "Quik Stop" on the edge of town, I asked the lady behind 
the counter about the helmets. She exploded into a rage, 
yelling at me, "You darn Yankees never do read the Bible!" 

I assured her that I did, but simply couldn't recall anything 
about firemen in the Bible. She jerked her Bible from behind the 
counter and ruffled through some pages, and finally jabbed her 
finger at a particular passage. 

Sticking it in my face she said, "See, it says right here, 'The 
three wise men came from afar.'"

A customer was sitting in a bar having a few drinks when he noticed a tiny 
little spot on the wall that seemed to be moving. He called it to the 
bartender's attention. He glanced at it and said, "It's a ladybug."
After a moment of stunned silence the customer said, "Good Lord, what 
incredible eyesight you have!"

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