Today's jokes [4.7.08]

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Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want 
ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very 
nervous man who ran a small business that he had started 
himself.

"I need someone with an accounting degree," the man said. 
"But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for 
me."

"Excuse me?" the accountant said.

"I worry about a lot of things," the man said. "But I don't want 
to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the 
money worries off my back."

"I see," the accountant said. "And how much does the job 
pay?"

"I'll start you at eighty thousand."

"Eighty thousand dollars!" the accountant exclaimed. "How 
can such a small business afford a sum like that?"

"That," the owner said, "is your first worry."

How do you change a blonde's mind?

     Buy her another beer. 

A customer sent an order to a distributor for a large amount of
goods totaling a great deal of money.

The distributor noticed that the previous bill hadn't been paid. The
collections manager left a voice-mail for them saying, "We can't
ship your new order until you pay for the last one."

The next day the collections manager received a collect phone call,
"Please cancel the order. We can't wait that long."

A vacationing penguin is driving through Arizona when he notices
that the oil-pressure light is on.  He gets out to look and sees oil 
dripping out of the motor.  He drives to the nearest town and stops
at the first gas station. 

After dropping the car off, the penguin goes for a walk around 
town.  He sees an ice-cream shop and, being a penguin in Arizona, 
decides that something cold would really hit the spot.  He gets a
big dish of vanilla ice cream and sits down to eat.  Having no hands,
he makes a real mess trying to eat with his little flippers.  

After finishing his ice cream, he goes back to the gas station and asks 
the mechanic if he's found the problem.  The mechanic looks up and 
says, "It looks like you blew a seal." 

"No, no," the penguin replies, "it's just ice cream."

A well dressed businessman got into a Manhattan cab and 
asked to be taken to LaGuardia.  While stuck in the traffic jam,
the businessman leaned forward and said, "How's your spirit of
adventure?"
"What do you mean?"
"Well, I have to be in Chicago for a meeting, but the thought of
flying there just bores me to tears.  Why not drive me there?
The meeting is only an hour.  I'll pay the gas, tolls, your hotel
room, meals, and then you can drive me back tomorrow."
The driver said, "Sure, why not?"  and off they went.  
They motored through Jersey, Pennsylvania, Ohio, Indiana,
and finally into Chicago.  The businessman did his meeting
(while the cabbie waited) came out, got back into the cab 
and they took off to the hotel.  They shared a huge meal, the
businessman paid for two rooms.  The next morning, they 
took off back towards Manhattan.  When they arrived, the 
meter read $4,632.85.
When they got back to the businessman's office, the man
told the cabbie, "Let me go in the bank here and I'll get you
a certified check.  I'll make it for $5000 so you'll get a sizable
tip for your trouble."
"Great," the cab driver said, "Thanks."
"One last thing.  When I give you the check, I'd like you to 
drive me home, please."
"Where's that?"
"Brooklyn."
"No way!!!  I'd have to drive back over the bridge without a 
passenger!"

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