Today's jokes [4.30.08]

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Handy guide to modern science:
If it's green or wriggles, it's biology.
If it stinks, it's chemistry.
If it doesn't work, it's physics.

   Georgie is walking down the street after a sex-change operation has
   transformed him into a beautiful women. An old friend sees him and
   says, "Georgie, you look great...you're beautiful!"
   
   Georgie says, "Thanks...but holy Christ, did it hurt."
   
   His friend says, "When they cut open your chest and put in those
   implants?"
   
   Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
   
   His friend says, "When they cut off your dick and dug out a vagina?"
   
   Georgie says, "No, that didn't really hurt."
   
   His friend says, "Then what did hurt?"
   
   Georgie says, "When the doctor drilled a fucking hole in my head and
   sucked out half my brain."
   

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

That's cute, but can it pick up peanuts!

Charlie was playing with his little brother Mickey when the little 
boy asked whether he could fly like Superman.
"Sure you can, Mickey," Charlie said, "Just flap your arms
really *really* hard."  
So Mickey climbed up on the windowsill, started flapping like 
mad, jumped, then smashed into the ground six stories below.
Horrified, their mother came screaming into the room and 
said, "What the hell happened?!?"
Charlie said, "I was just teaching Mickey not to believe
everything someone tells him."

   A florist received an outraged telephone call from a man who
   had moved his restaurant to a new spot in town. The restaurant 
   owner had been sent a funeral wreath along with a card that read:
   SINCEREST SYMPATHIES.
   The florist realized that he must have mixed up two orders and
   shuddered to think of the flowers that should have gone to the 
   restaurant man.He had sent to the funeral a clover design of 
   red roses across which was a bright green ribbon bearing the 
   inscription: BEST OF LUCK IN YOUR NEW LOCATION.

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