Today's jokes [4.29.08]

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A lady swallowed a super Gillette razor blade and her doctor discovered 
that not only had she given herself a tonsillectomy, an appendectomy and a 
hysterectomy, but she had also castrated her husband, circumcised her 
lover, taken two fingers off a casual acquaintance, and given a vicar a 
hair lip.

And, there were still 5 shaves left!

Two mates are having a chat over a beer.
"Do you like sheilas with bad body odour and bad breath?"
one bloke asks his friend.
"No way!" his mate replies.
"Well," says the first bloke,
"do you like pussies you could hide a watermelon in?"
"Fuck no!" his mate replies.
"Well," says the first bloke,
"what the hell are you doing fuckin' around with my wife?"

   A guy goes over to his friend's house, rings the bell, and the wife
   answers.
   
   " Hi, is Tony home?"
   
   " No, he went to the store."
   
   "Well, you mind if I wait?"
   
   " No, come in."
   
   They sit down and the friend says, "You know Nora, you have the
   greatest breasts I have ever seen. I'd give you a hundred bucks if I
   could just see one."
   
   Nora thinks about this for a second and figures what the hell - a
   hundred bucks. She opens her robe and shows one. He promptly thanks
   her and throws a hundred bucks on the table.
   
   They sit there a while longer and Chris says, "They are so beautiful
   I've got to see the both of them. I'll give you another hundred bucks
   if I could just see the both of them together."
   
   Nora thinks about this and thinks what the hell, opens her robe, and
   gives Chris a nice long look. Chris thanks her, throws another hundred
   bucks on the table, and then says he can't wait any longer and leaves.
   
   A while later Tony arrives home and his wife says, "You know, your
   weird friend Chris came over. "
   
   Tony thinks about this for a second and says "Well did he drop off the
   200 bucks he owes me?"
   

    "I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything you
   want, but you must eat it with naked fat people." - Ed Bluestone "Have
   you ever noticed? Anybody going slower than you is an idiot, and
   anyone going faster than you is a moron." - George Carlin "You have to
   stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day
   when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she
   is." - Ellen DeGeneris "Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt.
   Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it and put it
   on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for seventy-five cents." -
   Billiam Coronel "I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze
   pilots wore helmets." - Dave Edison "Did you ever notice when you blow
   in a dog's face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he
   sticks his head out the window." - Steve Bluestone "I think men who
   have a pierced ear are better prepared for marriage. They've
   experienced pain and bought jewelry." - Rita Rudner

Why is sleeping with a man like a soap opera?

Just when it's getting interesting they are finished until next time...

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