Today's jokes [4.28.08]

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Woman walks into her psychiatrists office and says:
"Hey doc, you know how we have been talking about freudian
slips? Well, I had the most amazing one last night. 
I was eating dinner with my mother, and I meant to say,
"please pass the salt," but instead I said,
"You god damn bitch, you ruined my life." 

Cronin goes to a barber shop to get his hair cut. The barber cuts his 
hair, and after he gets done, as Cronin gets up and is taking out his 
money, the barber goes over and takes a leak in the corner of the barber 
shop. The barber finishes and comes back.
As Cronin hands him a twenty-dollar bill, he says, "Listen, it's...it's 
none of my business, but...why would you take a piss in the corner of your 
barber shop?"
The barber says, "Hey, my lease is up in two weeks...do I care?"
The barber goes over to the cash register, rings up the haircut, and comes 
back with Cronin's change. When he comes back, Cronin's standing there 
taking a shit on the floor.
The barber says, "What are you doing?"
Cronin says, "Well, fuck, I'm leaving now." 

A guy says, "I remember the first time I used alcohol as a 
substitute for women."

"Yeah what happened?" asked the other.

The first guy replies, "Well, I got my penis stuck in the neck of 
the bottle."

It was their first date, and she'd shown the patience of a saint 
as he babbled on and on about his hobbies, his pet peeves, his 
driving techniques, and even the standards he used to choose 
his barber.

Finally, he came up for air and said, "But enough about me. 
Let's talk about you." 

She breathed a sigh of relief.

He went on, "What do you think about me?"

Two couples decide to spend the weekend away together at a posh hotel. 
When they get there, one guy suggests they indulge in partner-swapping as 
a trial. After 2 hours of solid sex by the fireside, the guy turned to his 
new partner and said, "Wow! This is the very best sex I had in years. I 
wonder how the girls are doing?" 

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