Today's jokes [4.25.08]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

A hunchback is running along a street being chased by a pack of children.
He stops, turns around and shouts, "Will you all get lost! I haven't got 
your bloody ball!"

   A Kentucky family took a vacation to New York City. For an adventure,
   the father took his son to see a skyscraper. They were amazed by
   everything they saw -- especially the elevator at one end of the
   lobby.
   
   The boy asked, "What's that there, Paw?"
   
   The father responded, "Well, Son, I reckon I never did see nothing
   like this in my entire life. I got no derned idea what it is!"
   
   While the boy and his father were watching in wide-eyed astonishment,
   an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed
   a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a
   small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small
   circles of lights above the walls light up. They continued to watch
   the circles light up in the reverse direction. The walls opened again,
   and a voluptuous 24-year-old woman stepped out.
   
   The father turned to his son and said, "Go git your Maw."
   

One night, a police officer was stalking out a particularly
rowdy bar for possible violations of the driving-under-the-
influence laws. At closing time, he saw a fellow stumble out
of the bar, trip on the curb, and try his keys on five
different cars before he found his. Then, sat in the front
seat fumbling around with his keys for several minutes. Everyone
left the bar and drove off. Finally, he started his engine and
began to pull away.

The police officer was waiting for him. He stopped the driver,
read him his rights and administered the Breathalyzer test. The
results showed a reading of 0.0. The puzzled officer demanded
to know how that could be. The driver replied, "Tonight, I'm
the Designated Decoy." 

A guy's fingering his girlfriend.
She says, "Would you take off your ring? It's hurting me."
He says, "That's not my ring...It's my wristwatch." 

DRINKING SYMPTOM: Opposite wall covered with ceiling tiles and fluorescent 
light strip across it. 
FAULT: You have fallen over backward. 
ACTION: If your glass is full and no one is standing on your drinking arm, 
stay put. If not, get someone to help you get up; latch self to bar. 
  
SYMPTOM: Everything has gone dim, mouth full of cigarette butts. 
FAULT: You have fallen forward. 
ACTION: See above. 

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   April '08 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30