Today's jokes [4.21.08]

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Jewish view on when life begins: There's a big controversy
on when life begins. In Jewish tradition the fetus is not
considered viable until after it graduates from medical school.

Q: Who are Sven War, Ollie Famine, Piter Pestilence, and Jergi Death?
A: The four Norseman of the Apocolypse.

Two very successful psychoanalysts occupied offices in the same building. 
One was 40 years old, the other over 70. They rode on the elevator 
together at the end of an unbearable hot, sticky day. The younger man was 
completely done in, and he noted with some resentment that his senior was 
fresh as a daisy. "I don't understand," he marveled, "how you can listen 
to drooling patients from morning till night on a day like this and still 
look so spry and unbothered when it's over."
The older analyst said simply, "Who listens?" 

Tooth Fairy Form Letter

Dear ____________:

Thank you for leaving [01] tooth under your pillow last night.

While we make every attempt to leave a monetary reward in the case of
lost or stolen children's teeth, we were unable to process your
request for the following reason(s) indicated below:

( ) the tooth could not be found
( ) it was not a human tooth
( ) we do not think that pieces of chicken bone are very funny
( ) we were unable to approach the tooth due to excessive odour
( ) the tooth has previously been redeemed for cash
( ) the tooth did not originally belong to you
(x) you were overheard to state that you do not believe in the tooth
    fairy
( ) you were age 12 or older at the time your request was received
( ) the tooth is still in your mouth (x) the tooth was
    guarded by a vicious fairy-eating dog at the time of our visit
( ) no nightlight was on at the time of our visit
(x) the snacks provided for the tooth fairy were not satisfactory, or
    were missing
( ) we discovered evidence of unsafe tooth extraction as follows:
    [ ] string
    [ ] pliers
    [ ] gunpowder
    [ ] hammer marks
    [ ] chisel
    [ ] part of skull attached to tooth
    [ ] no dental care
( ) other:

Instead of the usual cash redemption, we have provided the following
certificate which you may attempt to exchange at a retail store near
you. Thank you for your request, and we look forward to serving you in
the future.

Sincerely,

The Tooth Fairy

Schick is walking down the boardwalk in Atlantic City, runs into a hooker,
and he says, "How much?"
She says, "Twenty bucks."
He says, "All right."
They climb down under the boardwalk, and he bangs her.  The next night, he
runs into the same hooker, they go under the boardwalk, only this time 
while he's banging her, she blasts two incredible farts.  When they get 
done, he hands her twenty-FIVE dollars.
She says, "What the extra five?"
He says, "That's for blowing the sand off my balls."

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