Today's jokes [4.2.08]

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   The newlywed couple were checking into the hotel. The new groom
   approached the desk clerk. He said he wanted the best for they were on
   their honeymoon. The clerk asked the man if he wanted the bridal.
   "No," he said, "I don't believe I'll need it. I'll just grab onto her
   ears and hold on 'til she gets used to it."

In the Sex Ed class the teacher says, "All right, class, I want you to go 
home and come back tomorrow with as many positions as you can think of for 
making sex."
The next day she says to Little Johnny in the back, "Well, John, how many 
positions did you come up with?"
Johnny says, "Seventy-three."
The teacher says, "Oh, my goodness...uh...very good, John, very good..."
She calls on Becky in the front and says, "All right, Becky, how about 
you?"
Becky says, "Gee, teacher, I only came up with one...where the guy just 
lays on top of the girl."
Johnny yells, "Seventy-four." 

   At the 1997 World Women's Conference the first speaker from England
   stood up: "At last years' conference we spoke about being more
   assertive with our husbands. Well after the conference I went home and
   told my husband that I would no longer cook for him and that he would
   have to do it himself. After the first day I saw nothing. After the
   second day I saw nothing. But after the third day I saw that he had
   cooked a wonderful roast lamb."
   
   The crowd cheered.
   
   The second speaker from America stood up: "After last years'
   conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do
   his laundry and that he would have to do it himself. After the first
   day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the
   third day I saw that he had done not only his own washing but my
   washing as well."
   
   The crowd cheered.
   
   The third speaker from Australia stood up: "After last years'
   conference I went home and told my husband that I would no longer do
   his shopping and that he would have to do it himself. After the first
   day I saw nothing. After the second day I saw nothing. But after the
   third day I could see a little bit out of my left eye."
   

Is this really your third marriage? 

     Sure is. 

What happened to your first two wives? 

     They died.

How did your first wife die? 

     She ate some poisonous mushrooms.

What about your second wife? 

     She died from a severe skull fracture.

How did she get a skull fracture? 

     She wouldn't eat the mushrooms.

Little Johnny's dad is sitting on the side of the bed rolling on a
condom about to give his wife some. 
Little Johnny sticks his head in the door, sees his dad and says,
"Whatcha doin' Daddy?" 
Johnny's dad stoops over to cover up his dick and starts looking at the
floor. "Oh, I'm just looking for this big rat I saw." he says. 
Little Johnny asks, "Whatcha gonna do, fuck it?" 

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