Today's jokes [4.10.08]

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An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are very much in 
love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never 
achieves orgasm. Since a Jewish wife is entitled to sexual pleasure, they 
decide to ask the rabbi. 
The rabbi listens to their story, strokes his beard, and makes the 
following suggestion.
"Hire a strapping young man. While the two of you are making love, have 
the young man wave a towel over you. That will help the wife fantasize and 
should bring on an orgasm."
They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man 
and he waves a towel over them as they make love. But it doesn't help and 
she is still unsatisfied.  Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi.
"Okay", says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make 
love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."
Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed 
with the wife and the husband waves the towel.  The young man gets to work 
with great enthusiasm and the wife soon has an enormous, room-shaking 
screaming orgasm.
The husband smiles, looks at the young man and says to him triumphantly,  
"You see, THAT'S the way to wave a towel!"

This fundamentalist Christian couple felt it important to own an equally
fundamentally Christian pet.  So, they went shopping.
At a kennel specializing in this particular breed, they found a dog they
liked quite a lot.  When they asked the dog to fetch the Bible, he did it 
in a flash.  When they instructed him to look up Psalm 23, he complied 
equally fast, using his paws with dexterity.  They were impressed, 
purchased the animal, and went home (piously, of course).
That night they had friends over.  They were so proud of their new
fundamentalist dog and his major skills, they called the dog and showed 
off a little.
The friends were impressed, and asked whether the dog was able to do any 
of the usual dog tricks, as well.  This stopped the couple cold, as they 
hadn't thought about "normal"  tricks.
Well, they said, "let's try this out."
Once more they called the dog, and they clearly pronounced the command,
"Heel!"
Quick as a wink, the dog jumped up, put his paw on the man's forehead,
closed his eyes in concentration, and bowed his head.

IDEAL DATE

At      17         Triple Stephen King feature at a drive-in
        25         "Split the check before we go back to my place"
        35         "Just come over."
        48         "Just come over and cook."
        66         Sex in the company jet on the way to Vegas.

If Thinking Machines made toasters...
You would be able to toast 64,000 thousand pieces of bread at the same time.

Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How much money have you got?

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