Today's poems [3.29.08]

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There was a Bishop from Trawlee 
            Who went out into the Garden to pee. 
                He said "Pax Vou Biscum" 
                I can't make the piss come 
            It must be the C L A P! 

There was a young lady from Brewster
Who's ass was so nice that I goosed her,
        But her panties were thin
        And my finger slipped in
And it still just don't smell like it used ter.

There was a young lady of Spain 
Who took down her pants on a train. 
There was a young porter 
Saw more than he orter, 
And asked her to do it again. 

Many many years ago
when I was twenty three,
I got married to a widow
who was pretty as could be.

This widow had a grown-up daughter
who had hair of red.
My father fell in love with her,
and soon the two were wed.

This made my dad my son-in-law
And changed my very life.
My daughter was my mother,
For she was my father's wife.

To complicate the matters worse,
Although it brought me joy,
I soon became the father
Of a bouncing baby boy.

My little baby then became
A brother-in-law to dad.
And so became my uncle,
Though it made me very sad.

For if he was my uncle,
Then that also made him brother
To the widow's grown-up daughter
Who, of course, was my step-mother.

Father's wife then had a son,
Who kept them on the run.
And he became my grandson,
For he was my daughter's son.

My wife is now my mother's mother
And it makes me blue.
Because, although she is my wife,
She is my grandma too.

If my wife is my grandmother,
Then I am her grandchild.
And every time I think of it,
It simply drives me wild.

For now I have become
The strangest case you ever saw.
As the husband of my grandmother,
I am my own grandpa.

               There was a young fellow named Perkin 
               Who was always jerkin' his gherkin. 
                    His wife said, "Now, Perkin, 
                    Stop jerkin' your gherkin: 
               You're shirkin' your ferkin'---you bastard!" 

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