Today's jokes [3.6.08]

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Jon was looking for a little "action". He picked up a sweet 
young thang at the bar and took her back to his hotel room. 
Little did he know she was damn near a nymphomaniac.

After six times she was screaming for more. After the *eighth* 
time Jon told her that he needed to slip out for a pack of 
cigarettes.

On the way out he stopped in the men's room. He stood in 
front of the urinal, unzipped, and felt a moment of panic that he 
couldn't find "it".

After a couple of minutes "fishing around" he finally said, "Look, 
it's ok. She's not here!"

A Russian, an Italian and an Irishman got out of work and were deciding 
where to go for a drink.
The Irishman said "Let's all go to O'Learys. With every third round, the 
bartender will give each of us a free Guiness."
The Italian said "That sounds good, but if we go to Baldini's with every 
third round they bring a free bottle of wine to the table."
The Russian said "That sounds fine but if we go to Gouvstof's we drink for 
free all night and then go out into the parking lot and get laid."
"That sounds to good to be true!" the Irishman exclaimed. "Have you 
actually been there?"
"No," the Russian replied, "but my wife goes there all the time." 

A woman shows up at the white house in a trench coat and scarf and says, 
"I received your emergency phone call, Mrs. Clinton, and came right away, 
but what could "I" possibly do to save the country?"
Mrs. Clinton: "Come inside and let me explain, Mrs. Bobbit..."

A couple of geezers were sitting on a bench outside the nursing home, having
a little chat.  "How are you, Tom?" asked Marvin.
"I'm not feeling well today - utterly exhausted," Tom replied. "I pulled a
muscle and it's killing me."
"That pulled muscle shouldn't make you so tired, though."
"Well, it does if you pull it a couple of hundred times...."

The angry wife met her husband at the door.  His breath stunk of
alcohol and his face was plastered with lipstick. "I assume," she
barked, "there is a very good reason for you to come drifting in
at six o'clock in the morning?"
"There is!" he replied, "Breakfast."

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