Today's jokes [3.31.08]

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Q: What do you call a 6.9?
A: A great sex position fucked up by a period!

   This little boy and his grandfather are fishing. Granddad pulls out a
   beer and the little boy says "Grandpa, can I have one of those?"
   
   Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" to
   which the little boy responds "No."
   
   "Then you can't have one."
   
   A while later, the granddad pulls out a cigar and the boy asks, "Can I
   have on of those?"
   
   Grandpa says "Is your penis big enough to touch your asshole?" to
   which the little boy responds "No."
   
   "Then you can't have one."
   
   Later on, Grandpa and Grandson go to the grocery store for food and
   each buy a lottery ticket. Grandpa is unlucky, but the little boy says
   "I just won $50,000"
   
   Grandpa says, "Great, your going to split that with me, right?"
   
   The little boy asks, "Grandpa, is your penis long enough to touch your
   asshole?"
   
   "Yes," Says grandpa.
   
   "Then go fuck yourself"
   

Just wanted to check out that you gnarly dudes are using the latest and
greatest software technology fer yer rad code to make it easy for the
dudes who have to read it.  The hip new way to write readable C
code involves the use of a few simple defines.


#define like {
#define man ;}
#define an ;
#define SayBro /*
#define CheckItOut */


SayBro like, this is some rad program, so CheckItOut

like
    a = b
         an
    c = d
man

SayBro , like who needs help from them compiler choads anyway?
THIS is the way to write CLEAR code.  I mean really!  CheckItOut

like SayBro this is ShellSort straight out of the white book, but in
a readable form.

CheckItOut man

#define YoDude for(
#define OK     )
#define is     =
#define AND    &&
#define as
#define Do
#define long
#define some
#define make
#define garbage
#define FAROUT

shell(v, n) SayBro sort v[0]...v[n-1] into increasing order CheckItOut
int v[], n;

like int gap, i, j, temp;

YoDude gap is n/2 an as long as gap > 0 Do some garbage an make gap /=2 OK
    YoDude i is gap an as long as i < n Do some garbage an make i++ OK
        YoDude j is i - gap an as long as j >= 0 AND v[j] > v[j+gap] Do some
            garbage an make j -= gap OK
            like
                temp is v[j]      an
                v[j] is v[j+gap]  an
                v[j+gap] is temp
            man
FAROUT man

SayBro like, B there OB square!  CheckItOut

A middle aged rancher in pioneer days of old, had growen tired of working so hard
to build a beautiful ranch house and huge herd to go with it.  So he thought it
would be nice to get one of those mail order brides. Well he sent for one and
on the day she was arriving he hitched up his horse and buggy and headed for the
nearest train station.  After meeting his new bride, he loaded all her bags into
the wagon and then headed for thier honeymoon home. They had traveled only two
miles when the horse stumbled, and the rancher got out and whipped the horse to
its feet. He looked at the horse and said "THATS ONE" and got back in the wagon
smiled at the woman and continued on thier way.  They traveled only another two
miles when the horse stumbled again, and again the rancher got out of the wagon
to whip the horse to its feet, telling the horse "THATS TWO".  He took his seat
beside his new bride and continued on thier way.  After traveling another two
miles the horse stumbled for the third time.  The rancher got out of the wagon
carrying his rifle, he walk up to the horse and shot it right between the eyes,
saying"THATS THREE". He turn to the wagon only to hear his new bride say "why
in the hell did you do that for, now we have to walk".  The rancher turn to the
woman and said "THATS ONE".

What do you call a line of blondes standing ear to ear?

                                         A wind tunnel.

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