Today's jokes [3.30.08]

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        Tell someone you can pin a glass of water to the wall --
        a real glass, not a paper cup, using an ordinary straight
        pin.  Naturally they won't believe, so you set out to
        prove it.

        Get a glass of water and a pin.  Hold the glass up to the
        wall and start to pin it up.  And then drop the pin.
        You've got the glass in position just right, so you ask
        your victim real nice to get the pin for you.  When they
        bend down to pick it up, dump the water on their head.

This works especially well when there's a crowd of people watching.
It can also be very dangerous for the joker, so be careful if you
try it.

A woman in the labor ward of the general hospital, legs spread wide, lets 
out a loud yell and out pops a little black head.
"There was this black guy once" she said to the midwife. Then she screamed 
again and out pops a yellow body. "That must be the Chinese guy I slept 
with" she said. Then one more scream and the baby’s white legs were born, 
"Ah - that was the husbands bit" she said.
The doctor held up the multicolored baby and gave it a slap, then baby 
started crying. The woman looked at the doctor & said "Thank fuck for 
that, I thought it was going to bark !!!" 

Two Italian construction workers were in the field on an
extremely hot day working.. the one says to the other "hey
how come we do all a da work and he gets all a da money?"
pointing to the supervisor.
 The other says, "I don't know, go ask him."
 So Guido goes up to the supervisor and says "Hey, how come
we do all a da work and you get all a da money?"
 The supervisor says "Intelligence".
 Guido says "what is this intelligence?"
 The supervisor puts his hand on a tree and says "Hita my
hand as hard as you can!"
 Guido winds up and with all his might tries to hit the
supervisors hand. Just as he almost does the supervisor
pulls his hand away and Guido hits the tree! The supervisor
says "That's intelligence".
 Still smarting Guido goes back to his co-worker and his
co-worker says "Hey what did he say?"
 With a sheepish look on his face Guido puts his hand on his
face and says "hita my hand as hard as you can. . ."

Where do you find a no legged dog?
Right where you left him.

How many men does it take to open a beer?

None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.

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