Today's jokes [3.28.08]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

Chain Letter Type IV

As if you care, here is a poem that I wrote.  Send it to every one of your
friends.

Friends
- A friend is someone who is always at your side,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you smell like a wet dog,
- A friend is someone who likes you even though you're disgustingly ugly,
- A friend is someone who cleans up for you after you've soiled yourself,
- A friend is someone who stays with you all night while you cry about
   your loser life,
- A friend is someone who pretends they like you when they really think
   you should be raped by a mad goat and then thrown to vicious dogs, - A
friend is someone who scrubs your toilet and vacuums and then gets
  the check and leaves and doesn't speak much English no, sorry that's   
 the cleaning lady,

Now pass this on! If you don't, Satan will send dogs in heat to your room in
your sleep!!

There.   Now that we've covered and dumped on the four main types of chain
letters, onto the ironic part.  In order for this to get any popularity,
send it on!!!  If you don't think it was funny at all, don't bother, but
otherwise forward this sucker to everyone you know!!  If you don't, I don't
care.  Thanks!

Remember, the moral of the story is, if you get a chain letter, ignore it.

TRASH IT!!!  If it's a joke or something, send it, sure! Just don't forget
to delete the chain letter part.  But if it's gonna make people feel guilty 
(i.e. the willieless boy from Baklaliviatatlaglooshen) or nervous (i.e.
Miranda Pinsley who ended up in a waterfall of poop), just DELETE it.

Do yourself a favor, and everyone else in the world, and say NO!!! to 
BLOODY CHAIN LETTERS!!"  Thank you.

One Sunday morning the pastor noticed little Johnny was 
standing staring up at the large plaque that hung in the foyer of 
the church. The young man of seven had been staring at the 
plaque for some time, so the pastor walked up and stood 
beside him and gazing up at the plaque he said quietly, "Good 
morning son." 

"Good morning pastor" replied the young man not taking his 
eyes off the plaque. "Sir, what is this?" Johnny asked.

"Well son, these are all the people who have died in the 
service", replied the pastor. Soberly, they stood together 
staring up at the large plaque.

Little Johnny's voice barely broke the silence when he asked 
quietly, "Which one sir, the 8:30 or the 10:30?"

   Jim had been out on the town with a dazzling blonde, and he was
   returning home as the rosy tints of dawn began to color the skies.
   Marshaling all his inner resources, he managed an air of sobriety and
   dignity before the suspicious eye and wagging tongue of his wife.
   Suddenly, as he was undressing, she punctuated her harangue with a
   sharp, gasping intake of air. "Jimmy," she asked through titely
   clenched teeth, "Just where are your underwear ?"
   
   Bleakly, Jimmy perceived through the fog in his mind, that his boxer
   shorts were indeed missing. Just then, inspiration stuck. "My God !"
   he cried with aggrieved dismay. "I've been robbed !"

A man was looking for a cheap prostitute in a brothel.
He went up to the pimp, and asked him what he had. 
The pimp showed him a blonde whore for $50, but she was
far too expensive. 
The pimp then showed him a brunette for $10, but she was
also too expensive. 
Finally the pimp showed him a whore for $1, who happened
to have her legs open ready. 
The man agreed, but the pimp said he must wear a black condom. 
So the man wore the condom and bonked his heart out and had
the time of his life. He enjoyed it so much he went back the
next day for the same $1 whore, and again had to wear a black
condom.
Again the prostitute had her legs open ready. 
When he went the day after, he asked the pimp why he must wear
a black condom? 
The pimp told him "To show respect for the dead." 

Sarah was reading a newspaper, while her husband was engrossed in a 
magazine. Suddenly, she burst out laughing. 
"Listen to this," she said. "There's a classified ad here where a
guy is offering to swap his wife for a season ticket to the stadium." 
"Hmmm," her husband said, not looking up from his magazine. 
Teasing him, Sarah said, "Would you swap me for a season ticket?" 
"Absolutely not," he said. 
"How sweet," Sarah said. "Tell me why not." 
"Season's more than half over," he said.

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   March '08 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31