Today's jokes [3.25.08]

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WHAT'S THE IDEAL AGE TO GET MARRIED?

At      17         25
        25         35
        35         48
        48         66
        66         17

How do men exercise at the beach? 
By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.  

   A guy goes to buy a train ticket, and the girl selling tickets has an
   incredible set of jugs.
   
   He says, "Give me two pickets to Titsburgh...umm...I mean, two tickets
   to Pittsburgh."
   
   He's really embarrassed...
   
   The guy in line behind him says, "Relax, pal. We all make Freudian
   slips like that. Just the other day at the breakfast table I meant to
   say to my wife, 'Please pass the sugar', but I accidentally said, 'You
   fucking bitch, you wrecked my life.'"
   

Some people are sitting in a bar when one guy says, "My 
name is Larry, and I am a SNAG."

Another guy says, "What's that?"

The first guy says, "That means I am a Single, New Age Guy."

Another one says, "My name is Gary, and I am a DINK.

A girl asks, "What's that?"

He says, "That means I am a Double Income, No Kids."

A lady says, "That's nice. My name is Gertrude, and I am a 
WIFE."

Larry says, "A WIFE? What's a WIFE?"

She says, "That means, "Wash, Iron, Fuck, Etc."

Several years ago, the Catholic Church required women to wear a head
covering in order to enter the sanctuary. One Sunday a lady arrived
without her head covering. The priest informs her that she 
cannot enter without it. 
A few moments later, the lady re-appears wearing her blouse tied to
her head. The shocked priest says, "Madam, I cannot allow you to
enter this holy place without your wearing a blouse." 
"But Father, I have a divine right," she informs.
"Yes, I see. And your left one isn't bad either, but you still must 
wear a blouse to enter *this* church!" he insists.

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