Today's jokes [3.24.08]

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What the best way to get a guy to stop smoking after sex? 

Fill his water bed with gasoline. 

Mr. Baldwin, the biology teacher called on Mary, "Can you tell me the part 
of the body that, under the right conditions, expands to six times it's 
normal size, and state the conditions."
Mary gasped and said in a huff, "Why, Mr. Baldwin! That is an 
inappropriate question and my parents are going to
hear of it when I get home!"
She sat down, red-faced.
"Susan, can you tell me the answer?" asked Mr. Baldwin.
"The pupil of the eye, under dark conditions," said Susan.
"Correct. Now Mary, I have three things to say to you. First, you have not 
studied your lesson. Second, you have a dirty mind. And third, boy are you 
going to be disappointed someday!" 

What's the difference between a ritz
                             cracker and a lesbian?
One's a snack cracker, the other a crack snacker!

Q: What's the difference between a policeman's knightstick
and a magician's wand?

A: A Magician's wand is for cunning stunts. 

Two nuns turn up at the fruit market and ask the veggie man for 120 
cucumbers. The guy advises: "Sisters, if you buy 3 crates, that's 150, 
you'll get a 25% discount !" The nuns look at each other, and after a 
prolonged period of thinking one whispers to the other:
"We could eat the 30, I suppose."

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