Today's jokes [3.20.08]

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Q. What do a hurricane, a tornado, and a
   redneck divorce all have in common? 

A. Someone's going to lose their trailer... 

When this guy heard that the Pope was coming to town, he went
out and bought a tuxedo in the hope that the Pope might notice
him on the parade route. When he went to the parade, there was
this bum standing next to him, with old, dirty clothes on. The
the guy's amazement, when the Pope came, he went over to the
bum, and whispered something in his ear. Enraged, the guy went
over to the bum and offered him $100 for the clothes off his
back. Next day, he went back to the parade dressed like a bum.
Sure enough, when the Pope came, he stopped in front of this
guy, and whispered in his ear, "I thought I told you to get
the hell out of here!"

   A guy works a new job on Thursday and Friday. On Monday he calls in
   and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
   
   He works the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in
   and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
   
   The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says, "He's
   great. He does the work of two men. We need him."
   
   So the boss calls the guy into his office, and says, "You seem to have
   a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good worker and I'd
   hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can help you with?
   Drugs? Alcohol?"
   
   The guy says, "No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law
   drinks every weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday
   morning, I go over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on
   my shoulder and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing
   you know, I'm fucking her."
   
   The boss says, "You fuck your sister?"
   
   The guy says, "Hey, I told you I was sick."
   

John receives a phone call.
   
   "Hello," he answers.
   
   The voice on the other end says, "This is Susan. We met at a party
   about 3 months ago."
   
   John: "Hmm... Susan? About 3 months ago?"
   
   Susan: "Yes, it was at Bill's house. After the party you took me home.
   On the way we parked and got into the back seat. You told me I was a
   good sport."
   
   John: "Oh, yeah! Susan! How are you?"
   
   Susan: "I'm pregnant and I'm going to kill myself."
   
   John: "Say, you ARE a good sport."
   

Q: How do you give a woman an orgasm?
A: Who Cares!

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