Today's jokes [3.19.08]

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One day a housewife was going about the usual business of cleaning the 
house, when she suddenly felt intensely horny. Unfortunately, her husband 
was still at work, so she resorted to stripping off all her clothes and 
started to masturbate.
She got very excited, rubbing herself and moaning, and when her husband 
walked in, she was writhing in the middle of the living room floor.
He glanced through the mail and said to his wife, "Honey, when you're 
finished vacuuming the floor, could you get started on dinner?"

How does Herpes leave the hospital?

On crotches.

A little girl came running into the house crying and miserable from a
   small cut she just received. She asked her mom for a glass of cider.
   "Why do you want cider?" asked Mom.
   "To take the pain away," sobbed the little girl.
   Tired of all the tears, Mom poured her a glass.
   The little girl immediately put her hand into the drink.
   "It doesn't work!" she yelled.
   "What do you mean?" asked Mom.
   "Well," sniffed the little girl, "I overheard my sister say that
   whenever she gets a prick in her hand, she can't wait to get it in
   cider."

During her annual checkup, the well-constructed miss was 
asked to disrobe and climb onto the examining table.

"Doctor," she replied shyly, "I just can't undress in front of 
you."

"All right," said the physician, "I'll flick off the lights. You 
undress and tell me when you're through."

In a few moments, her voice rang out in the darkness: "Doctor, 
I've undressed. What shall I do with my clothes?"

"Put them on the chair, on top of mine."

How do old people have oral sex? 

    They talk about it. 

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