Today's jokes [3.17.08]

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Feminist's Fairytale!!
   Once upon a time, a beautiful, independent, self assured princess
   happened upon a frog in a pond.
   The frog said to the princess, "I was once a handsome prince until an
   evil witch put a spell on me. One kiss from you and will turn back
   into a prince and then we can marry, move into the castle with my mom
   and you can prepare my meals, clean my clothes, bear my children and
   forever feel happy doing so."
   That night, while the princess dined on frog legs, she kept laughing
   and saying, "I don't think so."

Q. Is it possible to kill a mother-in-law with newspaper?

A. Yes, if you wrap an iron in it.

It's Christmas time and Paddy and Shaun decided to go look for a Christmas 
Tree. They gathered their axe, a sled, and a broom to brush the trees off 
so they can get a good look at them. When they finally reach a fine stand 
of trees, Shaun brushes off the first tree, and stands back with Paddy to 
look at it. "Well, Paddy, What do you think?"
"Sorry, Shaun, this tree won't do. Let's try another one". They come upon 
another nice tree, Shaun brushes it off, and they both look at it. "How 
about this one, Paddy?" "Not quite, Shaun. Let's keep looking".
This goes on until nightfall. Both Paddy and Shaun are cold, tired, and 
hungry. "Well, Paddy, what do we do now?" "Shaun, I think we should take 
home the next tree we find, whether it has lights on it or not..."

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They seat themselves and
engage in animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them
ignores their conversation at first, but her attention is
galvanized when she hears one of the men saying the following;
"Emma come first. Denna I come. Two asses, they come together.
I come again. Two asses, they come together again. I come again
and pee twice. Denna I come once-a more."

"You fowl-mouthed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. "In
this country we don't talk about our sex lives in public!"

Hey, coola down lady," said the man, "Imma justa tellun my
friend howa to spella Mississippi."

The newlyweds arrived at the front desk of the posh ocean-side resort
   in Hilton Head, South Carolina, looking all fresh, and eager to enjoy
   their two week vacation/honeymoon.
   
   The stunning blonde at the front desk smiled and said, "Well, hi
   Jimmy, how ya been lover ? Long time no see."
   
   A frosty silence prevailed until the couple reached their room. Once
   inside, the piqued bride demanded: "And just who was THAT woman ?!?!?"
   
   The groom wiped his brow and said, "Just relax honey. Please ! I'm
   going to have enuff trouble explaining you to her."

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