Today's jokes [3.15.08]

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A psychiatrist met a friend and exclaimed, "I heard you died."
"But you see I'm alive ," smiled the friend.
"Impossible," said the psychiatrist. "The man who told me is much more 
reliable than you."

A dentist is talking to his patient about the sanitary problems some of 
his fellow dentists were facing. He said that one of his friends was 
touring a latex glove factory in Mexico, and saw how they make the gloves. 
One person would stick his hand in the melted latex, walk over to a vat of 
cooling water, then dip his hand in it to solidify the latex. The glove 
was then thrown in a finished products box. The dentist's patient was 
disgusted by the lack of care taken in making the gloves sanitary. Wanting 
to keep all the patients he could, the dentist didn't mention how they 
made condoms.

Two guys are susposed to meet at 4:30. Charley shows up at
4:30 and waits. Finally, at almost 5:00, Paul shows up and
Charley says, "Where have you been? You're a 1/2 hour late."
Paul replies, "Sorry, I had to go to the dentist. My dick's
been hurting bad."
Charley says, "If your dick's been hurting, why did you go
to the dentist?"
Paul answers, "Because I had a tooth stuck in it."

The subway car was packed.  It was rush hour, and many people were
forced to stand.  One particularly cramped woman turned to the man
behind her and said, "Sir, if you don't stop poking me with your thing,
I'm going to the cops!"
"I don't know what you're talking about miss - that's just my pay check
in my pocket."
"Oh really" she spat."then you must have some job,
because that's the fifth raise you've had in the last half hour."

A lawyer returns to his parked BMW to find the headlights
broken and considerable damage. There's no sign of the
offending vehicle but he's relieved to see that there's a
note stuck under the windshield wiper.
"Sorry. I just backed into your Beemer. The witnesses who saw
the accident are nodding and smiling at me because they think
I'm leaving my name, address and other particulars. But I'm not."

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