Today's jokes [3.13.08]

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Back in the turn of the century in a mining town out west,
a woman walked into a saloon.  Suddenly she realised that
she was not in the general store so she started to turn
around and leave.  As she was doing this, a drunk cowboy
seated at the bar noticed her and said to the woman, "Come
on over, Ma'am, sit yerself down right here next to me and
have yerself a drink.
"Thank you kindly Sir, but I'm afraid that I couldn't,"
replied the woman, "on account that I need to get bread."
The cowboy replied, "Uh, Ma'am, I do reckon you came to the
right place for that!"

   A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear. He carries his trusty
   22-gauge rifle with him. After a while, he spots a very large bear,
   takes aim, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.
   
   A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says, "No
   one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have two choices: I can
   rip your throat out and eat you, or you can drop your trousers, bend
   over, and I'll do you in the ass."
   
   The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he drops his
   trousers and bends over, and the bear does what he said he would do.
   After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers again and
   staggers back into town. He's pretty mad.
   
   He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest. He sees the same
   bear, aims, and fires. When the smoke clears, the bear is gone. A
   moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and says,
   
   "You know what to do."
   
   Afterwards, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into town,
   and buys a bazooka. Now he's really mad. He returns to the forest,
   sees the bear, aims, and fires. The force of the bazooka blast knocks
   him flat on his back. When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over
   him and says,
   
   "You're not doing this for the hunting, are you?"
   

What is the last thing to go through the mind
of a mosquito when it hits your windscreen?

It's ass.

Q: Why do female parachutists wear tampons? 
A: So they don't whistle on the way down...

A blonde was complaining to her friend about constantly being called a 
dumb blonde. Her friend tells her "go do something to prove them wrong! 
Why don't you learn all the state capitals or something?" The blonde 
thinks this is a great idea, and locks herself up for two weeks studying. 
The next party she goes to, some guy is making dumb blonde comments to 
her. She gets all indignant and claims, "I'm NOT a dumb blonde. In fact, I 
can name ALL the state capitals!" The guy doesn't believe her, so she 
dares him to test her. He says "Okay, what's the Capital of Montana?" The 
blonde tosses her hair in triumph and says, "That's easy! It's M!"

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