Today's jokes [3.12.08]

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"That bastard husband of mine wanted me to sleep with the 
landlord because he lost the rent money playing poker," the 
housewife told a neighbor.

"You didn't do it, did you?"

"I have to admit I did -- though with certain misgivings, I might 
add. What I haven't done, though, is tell my husband the rent 
is paid up for six months!"

Two brothers, ages 6 and 8, decide they are old enough to start cursing. So
they plan to use dirty words the next morning at breakfast. The 8-year-old
says he'll use the world HELL and tells the 6-year-old to use ASS.
Well, the next morning they head downstairs for breakfast. And when their
mother asks them what they want, the 8-year-old says, "Ah, Hell, I'll have
some Fruit Loops."
Shocked, the mother wheels around and backhands him on his
chair, sending him screaming back upstairs. She then turns to the 6-year-old
and says, "What are you going to have?" He replies, "I don't know, but
you can bet your ass it ain't gonna be Fruit Loops."

In Montana, on the sight where Custer and his men had their asses handed 
to them by the Sioux, a huge mural is to be painted. The artist insists on 
complete secrecy.
When the mural is unveiled it shows an orgy of naked Indians screwing all 
over the prairie, and in the center a cow with a halo. The artist says the 
mural is a rendering of Custer's final thoughts - "Holy cow! Look at all 
them fuckin' Indians!"

There is a child molester and a young boy walking through a deep remote 
forest. After a while the boy gets very cold and frightened so he says, 
"Mister i'm scared and cold, please let me go",the child molester cries out,
"You think your scared I have to walk home alone!" 

   So you don't know Jack Schitt
   He's the only son of Awh Schitt and Oh Schitt.
   Awh Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Oh Schitt, the owner of
   the Kneedeep Schitt
   Inn. Jack Schitt, their first, passed on shortly after birth. Next
   came twin sons, Deep
   Schitt and Dip Schitt, two daughters, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt,
   and another son,
   Bull Schitt. Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
   Dip Schitt married
   Lotta Schitt, and they have a son, Chicken Schitt. Fulla Schitt and
   Giva Schitt, married the
   Happens brothers. The Schitt-Happens children are Dawg Schitt, Byrd
   Schitt and Horace
   Schitt. Bull Schitt just married a spice number, Pisa Schitt, and they
   are awaiting the
   arrival of Baby Schitt. So now you know Jack Schitt.
   

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