Today's jokes [3.11.08]

Vote for the joke that you really like by checking a box next to it. Then press the VOTE button to submit your votes. Also, links to joke categories and "Send to Friend" will open in a new window, so as not to interrupt your joke reading.

Sadie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not 
gotten out of her depression, mourning as if it were only 
yesterday. Her daughter constantly is calling her and urging 
her to get back into the world. 

Finally, Sadie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for 
you to meet."   Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one 
another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him 
for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. 

One room and the normal follow up to that.  Their first night 
there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude 
except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit. 
Looking at her he asks "Why the panties?"

She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to 
explore, but down there I am still in mourning," He knows he's 
not getting lucky that night. The following night the same 
scenario. She standing there with the black panties on and he 
in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection on which he 
has a black condom. 

She looks at him and asks, "What's with this... a black 
condom?"

He replies, "I'm going to offer my condolences."

A beautiful young girl is about to undergo a minor
operation. She's laid on a trolley bed by a lady in
a white dress and brought to the corridor. Before
they enter the room she leaves her behind the theatre
door to go in and check whether everything is ready.

A young man wearing a white coat approaches, takes the
sheet away and starts examining her naked body. He walks
away and talks to another man in a white coat. The second
man comes over and does the same examinations.

When the third man starts examining her body so closely,
she grows impatient and says: "All these examinations are
fine and appreciated, but when are you going to start th
operation?"

The man in the white coat shrugged his shoulders: "I have
no idea. We're just painting the corridor." 

There's these four Irishmen in a bar, all drinking Guinness. One of them 
is looking rather puzzled, so another turns to him and asks him what's the 
matter.

1st Irishman: Well, I was just trying to remember what 2 plus 2 is.
2nd Irishman: Oh, that's easy, it's 147.
1st Irishman: No no no, that can't be right. How about you, Fergus, do you
              know what 2 plus 2 is?
3rd Irishman: Hmmm ... could it be Wednesday, perhaps?
1st Irishman: No no no, that doesn't sound right either. How about you               
Pat, do you know?
4th Irishman: Simple, the answer is 4.
1st Irishman: Of course! How did you work it out?!
4th Irishman: Aha, that's where brains come in! I subtracted 147 from
              Wednesday!

Teacher: How can one person make so many stupid mistakes in one day?
Little Johnny: I get up early.

A guest from some foreign country was bragging that in HIS
country there is 79 different ways to make mad passionate love.

Ray listened patiently.  "That's amazing.  Where I come from
there's really only one."

"Oh," sniffed the Romeo, "just one?  And which way is that?"

"Well, there's a man and there's a woman . . . "

"Praise Allah!!! Number 80!!!"

By voting you are helping select today's best joke. This helps us provide you with better quality humor in the future, as well as to select the best jokes to send in our daily best humor mailing.

But wait! Don't forget to read Today's Stories Today's Poems Today's Quotes Today's Funny Pic   March '08 Jokes Issues: S M T W Th F St 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31