Today's jokes [2.8.08]

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Minutes before the cremation, the undertaker quietly sat down 
next to the grieving widow. "How old was your husband?" he 
asked.

"He was ninety-eight," she answered softly. "Two years oder 
than I am."

"Really?" the undertaker said. "Hardly worth going home, 
wouldn't you say?"

What's Britney Spears' next career goal?

                         To learn how to sing.

Mary was having an affair during the day while her husband,
John, was at work. One day she was in bed with her boyfriend,
Ralph, and she heard her husband's car pull in the driveway.
She yelled at Ralph: "Hurry! Grab your clothes and jump out
the window my husband is home early!" Ralph looked out the
window and said: "I can't jump out the window! It's raining
like hell out there!" Mary cried: "If my husband catches us
in here, he will kill both of us!" So the boyfriend grabbed
his clothes and jumped out the window! When he landed outside
he found himself in the middle of a marathon race... so he
started running along side the others -- only he was still in
the nude, carrying his clothes on his arm. 

One of the runners asked him, "Do you always run in the nude?" 
Ralph answered, while gasping for air: "Oh yes, It feels so
free having the air blow over your skin while you are running." 

The other runner then asked the nude man: "Do you always run
carrying your clothes on your arm?" 

Ralph answered breathlessly: "Oh yes, that way I can get dressed
at the end of the run and get in my car to go home!" 

The runner then asked: "Do you always wear a condom when you run?" 

Ralph answered, "Only if it's raining." 

Two Jewish businessmen meet in the street.
"Well, Morrie, how's your warehouse business going?"
. "Oy vey, Abraham, it's not going so good, we had a flood last week."
"So, Morrie," whispers Abraham "How do you start a flood?". 

   A young man from the city went to visit his farmer uncle. For the
   first few days, the uncle showed him the usual things - chickens,
   cows, crops, etc. After three days, however, it was obvious that the
   nephew was getting bored, and the uncle was running out of things to
   amuse him with.
   
   Finally, the uncle had an idea. "Why don't you grab a gun, take the
   dogs, and go shooting?" This seemed to cheer the nephew up, and with
   enthusiasm, off he went, dogs in trail.
   
   After a few hours, the nephew returned.
   
   "How did you enjoy that?" asked the uncle.
   
   "It was great!" exclaimed the nephew. "Got any more dogs?"
   

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