Today's jokes [2.6.08]

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What do jello and a woman have in common?

They both wiggle when you eat them.

In a long line of people waiting for a bank teller, one guy suddenly 
started massaging the back of the person in front of him. Surprised, the 
man in front turned and snarled, "Just what the hell you are doing?" 
"Well," said the guy, "you see, I'm a chiropractor and I could see that 
you were tense, so I had to massage your back. Sometimes I just can't help 
practicing my art!" "That's the stupidest thing I've ever heard!" the guy 
replied. "I'm a lawyer. Do ya see me fucking the guy in front of me?" 

What do you get with a corduroy condom?

A groovy kind of love.

A Sunday school teacher asked her first graders.

"Where is God?"

The room was filled with children that raised their hands to respond.

"Okay, Mary, Where is God?"

"He is everywhere,"  

"Very good that’s right."

But still there were two children that didn’t put their hands down,
so the teacher continued.

"Okay, Michael, Where is God?"

"God is inside me."

"Very good that’s right."

Now there was one boy sitting in the back of the class waiving his hand. 
He was the last child with his hand up, so the teacher called on him.

"Okay, Danny, Where is God?"

"He’s in our bathroom."

Well the teacher just had to ask,  "How do you know he’s in the bathroom?"

The answer came, "Every morning my father knocks on the bathroom door and says,
‘My God are you still in there?’ "

                      Are You About to Employ a Robot?
     
   
This test was written by ME, Roger Carasso, for the UCB  Psychology
Department.   It  is  intended  to be used by companies  that  are
recruiting on campus.  With this test you can determine whether an
applicant you are interviewing is a Robot,  a Vulcan/Math MAjor,  or a
Liberal Arts major.

       Tear off here, and administer test below to students
                 ----------------------------------

 Answer Questions by circling the appropriate subjective choice.

1.   If stranded on a deserted island, I would want _____
          0) Shakespeare  1) Math books   2) Fluid oil

2.   If I could have any job, I would be a _____
          0) writer  1) professor    2) McDonald's employee

3.   On weekends, I go to _____
          0) The beach    1) The library  2) goto 10

4.   My favorite hobby is _____
          0) Poetry  1) Open math problems     2) memorizing

5.   I have taken ______ English classes.
          0) Many    1) Enough to communicate  2) fori=1to++x10goto10

6.   What is the quickest way to solve 2X+4=2?
          0) Ask a Vulcan      1) In my head   2) Brute force with
                                               Cray 2 Supercomputer

7.   What have you learned in school that you value the most?
          0) Latin   1) How to operate my HP-28C  2) Complex Analysis

8.   In between classes, I like to _____
          0) Talk with my friends   1)  Study proofs  2) Add numbers on
                                                      my calculator

9.   When I have a report due, I type it on_____
          0) My manual typewriter
          1) The school's word processor
          2) My calculator and then upload it to a PC at 50 baud


10.  Since coming to the University, I have gained many _____
          0) Friends      1) Books   2) Calculator manuals

11.  The best use of a computer is _____
          0) A door stop    1) Graphing functions  2) Friends

12.  When I go to a restaurant, I usually get _____
          0) A hamburger  1) A twinkie    2) Thrown out

13.  What part of speech is "interface"?
          0) A noun  1) A noun and a verb   2) Not enough data

14.  What do you consider to be paradise?
          0) Total happiness   1) Total knowledge   2) Two calculators

15.  What type of music do you like?
          0) Popular music     1) Classical music   2) Static noise

16.  What is your favorite game?
          0) Monopoly     1) Chess   2) Data entry races

17.  My favorite Movie show is _____
          0) Ruthless People   1) Star Trek II      2) Short Circuit

18.  If I had to know an equation on a test, I would _____
          0) Write it on my arm
          1) Derive it during test
          2) Memorize it with flash cards all day for weeks

19.  The person I marry must have_____
          0) Beauty  1) Intelligence      2) An RS232 serial port

20.  What I fear the most is _____
          0) Death   1) Emotions     2) Water

--------------------------------

Results: Simply add up the values of all your answers and look at
the following table.

00-14  Liberal Arts
15-20  Vulcan/Math Major
21-40  Robot!!!
  

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