Today's jokes [2.3.08]

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A man was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
 and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
 He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket.

     The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
 back into a beautiful princess, I will tell everyone how smart
 and brave you are and how you are my hero"  The man took the
 frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

     The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me
 back into a beautiful princess, I will be your loving companion
 for an entire week."  The man took the frog out of his pocket,
 smiled at it, and returned it to his pocket.

      The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into
 a princess, I'll stay with you for a year and do ANYTHING you want."
 Again the man took the frog out, smiled at it, and put it back
 into his pocket.

      Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm
 a beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a year and do
 anything you want.  Why won't you kiss me?"

      The man said, "Look, I'm a computer programmer. I don't have
 time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is cool."

One day at the end of class little Billy's teacher has the class go home 
and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story.
The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer
to tell a story. Suzy said, "Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the 
truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday 
we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the
road." The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, 
"Don't keep all your eggs in one basket." 

Next is little Lucy. "Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we 
take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 
8 of the 12 eggs hatched." The teacher asks for the moral of the story.
Lucy replies "Don't count your chickens before they're hatched."

Last is little Billy. "My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane 
was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with 
only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he 
drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of
100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of 
bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on 
his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands". 
The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any
moral to his story. Billy replies, "Don't fuck with uncle Ted when he's
been drinking."

Why did clinton follow the chicken across the road?                                                         be\
cause, he couldn't get his dick out of its ass.

Sent by BL.STEVENS

Q: What's the ultimate rejection?

A: When you're masturbating and your hand falls asleep.

What did the redneck get on his I.Q. test?

Drool.

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