Today's jokes [2.27.08]

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The wife coyly tried to explain her purchase of a new pair of expensive 
imported panties. "After all, dear," she said to her husband, "you 
wouldn't expect to find fine perfume in a cheap bottle, would you?"

"No," her husband replied.
"Nor would I expect to find gift wrapping on a dead beaver."

During an auction of exotic pets, a woman who had placed
a winning bid told the auctioneer, "I'm paying a fortune
for that parrot. I hope he talks as well as you say he
does."
"I guarantee it, madam," replied the auctioneer. "Who do
you think was bidding against you?"

A young boy asked his mother "Ma, is it true that people can be taken 
apart like machines?" "Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" 
replied by his mother The young boy answered " The other day, Daddy was
talking to someone on the phone, and he said that he screwed the ass off 
his secretary."

Staring down from the bench to announce the terms of the
divorce decree, the judge turned to the husband and said:
"I'm going to award her alimony in the amount of $250 a month." 

To which the woman's about-to-be ex replied: "That's mighty
kind of you, judge. I'll try to help her all I can, too." 

Two farmers were talking at the general store. One farmer says to the 
other, "Did you hear about that new variety of corn called Perot corn?" 
The second farmer replies,"No I ain't." The first farmer says, "Yeah, it's 
a big yielding variety. The stalk don't grow too big, but the ears are 
tremendous!"

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