Today's jokes [2.11.08]

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Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes,
and it's a woman's job to stomp on them and keep them
in the dark until they mature into something you'd want
to have dinner with.

A tourist is visiting New York City when his car breaks down. He jumps out 
and starts fiddling under the hood. About five minutes later, he hears 
some thumping sounds and looks around to see someone taking stuff out of 
his trunk! He runs around and yells, "Hey, bud, this is my car!" "OK," the 
man says, "You take the front and I`ll take the back."

What's the difference between a rabbi and a priest?

A rabbi cuts it off, and a priest sucks it off. 

A Packer fan was enjoying himself at the game in a packed Lambeau Field,
until he noticed an empty seat down in front. He went down and asked the
guy next to it if he knew whose seat it was. The guy said, "Yes, that's
my wife's seat. We have never missed a game since the Lombardi days, but
now my wife is dead." The fan offered his sympathy and said it was really
too bad he couldn't find some relative to give the ticket to so they could
enjoy the game together... "Oh no," the guy said, "they're all at the funeral." 

Back in the good ole days in Texas, when stage coaches and the like were
popular, there were three people in a stage coach one day: a true red 
blooded born and raised Texas gentleman, a tenderfoot city slicker from 
back East, and a beautiful and well endowed Texas lady. The city slicker 
kept eyeing the lady, and finally he leaned forward and said, "Lady, I'll 
give you $10 for a blow job."
The Texas gentleman looked appalled, pulled out his pistol, and killed the 
city slicker on the spot. The lady gasped and said, "Thank you, suh, for 
defendin' mah honor!" Whereupon the Texan holstered his gun and said, 
"Your honor, hell! No tenderfoot is gonna raise the price of a woman in 
Texas!"

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