Today's stories [12.3.08]
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My brother snores soo loud. Recently we went out west for
vacation, and he didn't snore at all...except the first night we
were there. It got to be so bad that I took my pillow, sheet, and
blanket and went into the bathroom to sleep. I put my stuff in
the bathtub, shut the door, and fell asleep in the tub. Me, being
the sound sleeper that I am, didn't hear the door open when my
brother had to use the toilet. Seeing me fast asleep in the
bathtub, he turned the water on. I slept right through the whole
thing until morning, when my sheet and blanket were soaked by
lukewarm water. I thought I wet the bed until my brother
confessed a few days later.
A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this
creative defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into
the window and removed a few trifling articles. His arm
is not himself, and I fail to see how you can punish the
whole individual for an offense committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I
sentence the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment.
He can accompany it or not, as he chooses." The defendant
smiled. With his lawyer's assistance he detached his
artificial limb, laid it on the bench, and walked out.
Laborer Alexander Robinson of Mobile, Alabama,
redefined the limits of tactlessness when he
opened his eyes after surgery to restore his
sight and said agreeably to his wife: 'Boy,
you sure have got fat in four years.'
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