Today's stories [12.29.08]

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Ladies Night Out.

So ... the other day, three friends and I went to this 
"Ladies Night Club." One of the girls wanted to impress us, 
so she pulls out a $10 bill.  The "dancer" came over to us, 
and my friend licked the $10 and put it on his butt cheek.
         
Not to be outdone, my second friend pulls out a $20 bill.  
She calls the guy back over, licks the $20 bill and puts it 
on his other butt cheek.
         
Still attempting to impress the rest of us, my third friend 
pulls out a $50 bill.  She calls the guy back over again, 
licks the $50 bill and again puts it on one of his butt 
cheeks.
        
Now the attention is focused on me.  What could I do to top 
that?  I got out my wallet, thought for a minute ... and 
then the financial analyst in me took over.
        
I got out my ATM card, swiped it down the crack of his ass, 
grabbed the $80 bucks and went home.



Sent by Neicey

Tonya Harding supposedly saved an 81-year-old woman's life
at the Lost and Found Bar in Portland by performing CPR on
her (the medics said the woman had merely fainted). Says
Jay Leno: "And I guess out of force of habit she performed
mouth-to-mouth on three bikers at the pool table, too." 

My brother was his graduating class's validictorian.

When he stood up to speak, all was going just fine, until he closed 
with, "and in closing I'll just say that there are two great honors a man 
can hope to achieve in his lifetime. And these two honors are, GET ON HER 
and STAY ON HER !"  The crowd busted a gut laughing, but my father was in 
big hot water since Mom knew exactly who had coached my brother with that 
one.  


Sent by Jennifer

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