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Today's jokes [12.6.08]

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   A man visits his doctor.
   
   "I think I have a problem, doc," said the patient. "One of my balls
   has turned blue."
   
   The doctor examined the man briefly and concluded the patient would
   die if they didn't have his testicle removed.
   
   "Are you crazy?!" exclaimed the patient, "How could I let you do such
   a thing to me?"
   
   "Do you want to die?", asked the doctor rhetorically, and the patient
   had to agree to have his testicle removed. But two weeks after the
   operation, he came back.
   
   "Doc, I don't know how to say this, but the other ball has turned blue
   too."
   
   Again, the doctor told him that if he wants to live, his other
   testicle must be cut off too. And again, the man was very reluctant.
   "Hey, do you want to die?", asked the doc, and the patient had to
   agree to the operation.
   
   But, about two weeks after he is testicleless, he returned to the
   doctor. "I think something is very wrong with me. My penis is now
   completely blue."
   
   After briefly examining the patient once again, the doc gives him the
   bad news. If he wants to live, his penis has to go.
   
   Of course, he did not want to hear about it. "You really want to
   die?", asked the doctor.
   
   "But... how do I pee?"
   
   "We'll install an plastic pipe, and there will be no problem."
   
   So, the penis is removed and a while after the operation, the
   unfortunate man again returns the doctor's office. He is very angry.
   
   "Doctor, the plastic pipe turned blue."
   
   "What?"
   
   "Can you tell me what a hell is happening?"
   
   So, the doctor examined the patient more carefully this time, and
   says, "Hmmmm, I think its the jeans......"
   


1. 




    A policeman cruising past a pub after closing time notices
   two motor bikes still parked out the front. He goes round the back of
   the pub only to find two bikies, one with his fingers up the bum of
   the other.
   "So what's going on here?" he asks.
   The bikie replies "My mate here has had too much to drink and I'm
   trying to make him vomit."
   The cop says "I think you should be sticking your fingers down his
   THROAT!"
   The bikie replies "That's what I'm going to do next!"


2. 




Why does Bill Clinton wear underwear? 

    To keep his ankles warm. 

3. 




This man goes into the doctor with his ringhole in a terrible state,
really bad now.
Doctor: "What happened to you?"
He says: "I was in Africa on safari and I got raped by an elephant!"
Doctor: "But I don't understand. Elephant penises are very narrow and
couldn't cause that much damage!"
He says "Aah but you see doctor, he fingered me first!"

4. 




Men are like...

Men are like animals: messy, insensitive and
potentially violent, but they make great pets. 

5. 



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